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Wide-eyed, I stopped breathing.
No one had ever mentioned anything like this within the academy.
Miranda rushed to assure me. “He’s not going to hurt you, ever. But he is definitely not going to let you go. The fact that he was able to restrain himself for ten years should show you the caliber of man you are dealing with. Restraint of that level is unheard of.” Her green eyes leveled me with a look of pure awe. “I mean it, child. It has never happened in the past. Tendayswould be a miracle.”
I had nothing to say, nervous in that hot water and freaked out. Never had I seen that man wield violence. Not in correcting a watcher or a recruit. He had never needed to do more than warn with a look. To think of him potentially enjoying ripping apart men, no wonder no one ever dared to question him.
The old woman who looked young enough to have grown up with me at the academy had more wisdom to impart. “It is a long journey you will share together. You can choose to start fresh, or you can choose to suffer your justifiable rage until nature gives you no other choice but to accept the bond. I was very stubborn, which caused me decades of heartache. The first century of my mating was hell. It was not until I allowed myself to accept that I was a sexual being, despite a violent and unwilling start, who could enjoy my true nature without restriction. I didn’t need to punish myself for desiring the affection and attentions of my mate.”
Cold, despite the heat of the water, I whispered, “He told you that he forced me?”
“In great detail. The motivation behind it…” A considering breath stretched her chest, Miranda solemn. “It seems you do not understand what happens to a hybrid female who is penetrated without a mate to properly open her. You would have not been physically capable of functioning without a great deal of medical intervention afterward, if you survived it at all. Only a mate can encourage our reproductive system to animate properly. Even more, the mate needs to be of an age where he can properly create a full knot and encourage blood flow and male ejaculate to inflate pockets, like little nests, for your future children to sleep in until it is time for their birth. Mates only have that one opportunity to fully assure that you and your unborn are given everything you need.”
Her frenzied whispering was so much more than I was capable of processing, the woman going on to say, “After you have been fertilized, mating acts as a way to pleasurably enjoy a necessary bond that assures female survival and the survival of your young. Our species is never free of our other half. Only humans have that luxury and that loneliness. Furthermore, you would have never been able to go into the fog if you’d succeeded in being ruined. Very few ruined females choose to even remain alive—not when it means an endless age of solitude, of childlessness, of males who have zero interest because their song can no longer be heard. Some go so far as to allow human men to use their bodies, seeking intimacy any way they can find it, until the harsh reality sets in that no human male will ever be able to give them what they need. It really is a very sad thing, my pet. That is why it is the highest taboo amongst our kind.”
I could have chosen a different strategy if I had only known the truth of such matters. Frustrated, I asked, “Why are we not taught these things at the academy? Before tonight, I had never seen a diagram of hybrid female anatomy. I could have found a mate who wanted to journey into the fog with me, if I had known that was my only option! Not been ignorant and stupidly caught by a man I have hated my whole life.”
She quickly shushed me. “You may have hated him as your commanding officer, but you know so little about the man. Cyderial is vital to our cause. He needs a strong mate at his side. You could benefit our entire people simply by ordering him to make you dinner. Do you understand me?”
No, I did not. And I was very uncomfortable with everything she was whispering to me as she scrubbed me clean.
Soaping up my back, she said, “He wants nothing more than for you to be happy, so long as you are happy inhisarms. He will make mistakes, because he is male, and they are intrinsically stupid about some things. He will be excessively possessive, especially around human males, which he was right to warn you not to trust.Humans are dangerous.”
Irritated, I asked, “You expect me to forget everything he’s ever done, and… what? Play house with him?”
She nodded in earnest, all smiles and glittering eyes. “If you understood what was at stake, you’d have your lips wrapped around his cock right now.”
Blinking, shocked, I said, “That’s disgusting!”
“Oh, sweet girl.” She flicked the water to rinse bubbles from her hands. “No rush on that one… but youwilllike it. And he will fall to his knees should you offer to suck him off. You could literally command him to conquer the world by putting your mouth on his dick.”
“Why are there so many words for one organ?”
Chuckling yet urgent, she said, “You’re getting caught up on the details and missing the greater picture. Our kind has fought hard for every freedom we have and are outnumbered several thousand to one. Cyderial is beloved, and he has wielded human awe for our benefit. But there is a faction of humans who do not see us as people, and they are gaining in popularity. They consider us a threat and not their protectors. They see what we achieve and covet what we possess. If any of these humans would have known he had a mate that was only a defenseless child, they would have come for you. The things they would have done to you to strike at him are unspeakable. He might not tell you that, because he doesn’t want you to be frightened. But I think you have a right to know. Harm to you would destroy him; destroying him would undermine hybrid rights. You are more important than you realize. Perhaps he made some crazy choices to keep you safe… perhaps you even hate him for those choices… but your entire species is reliant onyoursurvival right now, Lorieyn. It would be better still if you did not worry him but instead kept him happy and focused.”
Her implication was grotesque. “What you are asking me to do is obscene! I am expected to sacrifice everything I ever wanted?”
Cupping my cheek, Miranda looked upon me with compassion. “It’s a hard lesson for all of us to learn. Who we were before we were mated no longer applies. You will find new achievements to pursue. Someday, you may find a great joy in motherhood.”
Not one ally stood in my corner.
I may have come across forceful, but I was very much afraid when I snarled, “Get out!”
My face must have been awash with betrayal, for her final words to me were soft. “There is nothing to prevent him from locking you in this fine house forever. No one, human nor hybrid, will go against his wishes. Remember that the next time you feel an urge to break a plate.”
20
Cyderial came for me not long after Miranda abandoned me to my fate. Thoughts congested with her poison, I didn’t even think to respond to his approach.
Submerged and naked, my knees pulled up under my chin, I felt like the last problem I needed to worry about at that moment was my nudity before the man.
Far weightier issues were at hand.
He held out a stemmed glass of golden liquid, the crystal steaming once held over my bath. Stern, he said, “I want to caution you. Wine is an intoxicant. Miranda’s motivation in suggesting it wasn’t purely for your benefit.”
Nothing that ancient hybrid woman came to share had been purely for my benefit.
Lifting my arm from the water, wet fingers gingerly pinched the stem before I accepted the glass. It smelled floral and syrupy, appeared thicker than water, yet light. Unsure if I wanted to drink the poison or pour it out, I asked, “And if I drink it, what will happen?”
