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“I’m sorry, Will. I don’t mean to make you embarrassed or defensive.” Savannah’s soft, pleading voice has me turning my face to hers, my eyebrows raised.
Leaning forward, she pushes her hair away from her face, her pleading eyes meeting mine. “Please don’t reveal to Everleigh anything I’m about to tell you.”
I hold up a hand. “Savannah, this conversation stays in this room. I won’t reveal anything to Everleigh. Not even that we’ve spoken.”
She lets out a sigh of relief, her posture relaxing as she nods. “She feels as though you think she’s… contaminated or dirty. Even though Colin didn’t… um… violate her.” She clears her throat. “That since he touched what’s yours, she’s tainted.”
My breath leaves my lungs in a rush, blinking rapidly as I try to digest her words.
Savannah keeps talking, and I’m forced to focus on what she’s saying. “I’ve tried to reassure her that her reactions are a normal response to a traumatic experience and that you don’t think that. But this morning, we went for a walk in the woods…” She pauses, sadness lining her face. “She started crying, saying she doesn’t think you desire her after she was nearly assaulted. When I asked why in the hell she’d think that, she said you rejected her advances last night…”
“Oh God,” I interrupt, my hands covering my face, trying to hold back the tears that prickle my lids, threatening to break free. The words that Everleigh said to Savannah pierced my heart like an arrow. Lowering my hands, I shake my head. “I haven’t been rejecting her because I don’t want her. Christ, that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Turning my head, I stare at a picture of the ocean on my office wall, trying to draw comfort from the serene beauty of the sea captured in the photo.
“It’s my fault, Savannah.” My voice is low and my chin quivers.
Silence fills the room long enough to make me uncomfortable. I turn my head to find Savannah staring at me with so much sympathy in her blue eyes.
She reaches across the desk, her fingers wrapping around my uninjured hand. “What do you mean, it’s your fault?”
I release a long sigh. “She’s been having nightmares, dark circles are under her eyes, and the only time her smile has reached her eyes is that day in the bridal shop when she was surrounded by you, Irelynn, and Vanessa.” My shoulders slump from despair. “Deep down, I think she blames me. As she should since I’m the reason this happened to her. If not for me, she never would have…” Trailing off, my teeth sink into my bottom lip, trying to hold back the flood of tears.
Savannah shakes her head, eyes wide with disbelief, as she releases my hand. “What? Why would she blame you? Why do you think it’s your fault?”
“The day I rescued her, my hands went to her hips to steady her when she got up to hug her dad, and she went rigid. I thought her reaction was just a response to the trauma, but the evidence keeps indicating that deep down, she resents me for what happened to her.” Leaning back in my chair, my hands go through my hair, and I wince as my fractured finger throbs in protest.
“Colin was my enemy because of shit that happened between him and me in college. His resentment toward me worsened when I bought Sumer Tech and removed him from the helm.” Moisture fills my eyes as I say, “It’s because of me that Everleigh was targeted. I’m responsible for the woman I love being drugged, kidnapped, and then nearly raped.”
As the first tear falls down my cheek, I’m startled to see Savannah in front of me. I never saw or heard her leave the chair and come around my desk.
I turn away from her, impatiently brushing the tears away.
“Will, look at me.”
I breathe in and out for a couple of beats, getting control of my emotions, before I swivel in my chair, facing her.
“This isnotyour fault. It’s Colin’s. Sure, you may have a bad history together and you made an enemy of him. But I’m sure it’s not entirely one-sided. From what Everleigh has told me, Colin provoked you every chance he got until one day, you snapped.”
When I nod, she gives me a gentle smile before continuing.
“Colin nearly ran Sumer Tech into the ground, not you. You came along and saved a lot of people’s jobs when you purchased it.” She puts her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. “Colin is a dickhead who bit off more than he can chew when he went after Everleigh to hurt you. I know it’s only a matter of time before you torture and kill him. Not that it matters, but I fully support it. Make sure you torture him some for me.” She shoots me a wink, making me feel slightly better.
“My point is, Colin is responsible for what he did, not you. You prevented it, which trust me, when I was assaulted by my stepfather, I prayed every single time that someone would come along and stop it. You are her hero. She’s told me that repeatedly since that day.”
I fidget with my splint, still not feeling any better.
Savannah sighs. “Will, she doesn’t blame you for what happened to her. If she did, she wouldn’t desire you. Many women wouldn’t be where she is right now, wanting to have sex with their fiancé after something like that. But she wants you because she feels safe with you. Because she loves you. And sure, maybe there is a part of her that wants to flip the bird to Colin by having sex with you. But I think the biggest reason is that she wants to take her power back.” Savannah’s head lowers, her hair hanging in her face. “She doesn’t want to feel like a victim, but rather, in control again.”
Her words punch me in the chest. As they sink in, I feel foolish for the way I’ve been acting. For not discussing this with Everleigh to find out what she’s thinking and feeling in the aftermath of what happened.
Savannah pats my shoulder, drawing my attention back to her. “Please don’t let guilt drive a wedge between you and Everleigh. Especially since it’s unfounded. What happened to her isnotyour fault and she doesnotblame you. I know she’s been reliving what happened, and honestly, she is afraid to admit that to you because she doesn’t want to appear weak in your eyes.”
“I’d never think Everleigh is weak. She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
Savannah’s eyes are soft. “Maybe you need to tell her that. Or better yet, show her. Everleigh knows herself well enough to know what she wants and needs. And that’syou, Will.”
For the first time since I held Everleigh in my arms in that dungeon, I can fully breathe. I grab Savannah’s hand. “Thanks a lot, Savannah. I appreciate you talking to me about this. I know it wasn’t easy for you…”
