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God, I’m freaking sick.
I roll over onto my stomach. Grabbing my laptop, I log in, needing a distraction from my thoughts. Sophia retrieved my backpack and some clothing from the apartment.
My phone beeps with a text from Evan, causing my heart to stutter inside my chest. With trembling hands, I lift my phone and read it.
Cocky Evan: The video of my lecture and the assignment is in the portal. I figured you wouldn’t show today.
God, I hate that he knows me so well.
Me: Thanks.
Cocky Evan: Lex… I know you don’t wanna hear this. But I miss you like fucking crazy.
Tears well in my eyes, the words blurring on my screen.
Me: You’re right. I don’t wanna hear it.
Sophia knocks on my partially open door. I beckon her in, forcing a smile onto my face. Her dark eyes study me as she moves to the bed, sitting on the mattress beside me. “How ya doing?”
I shrug. “I’ve been better. I was gonna log in and watch the lecture.”
Sophia nods. “Lemme prepare you. Evan looked like shit today. I’ve never seen him so disheveled. He had dark circles beneath his eyes.”
My lungs constrict and I can’t breathe. “Good,” I choke out.
Sophia cocks her head. “Are you sure that’s what you’re feeling?”
“Partially.” I wipe the tears that fall from my eyes. “I shouldn’t care, Sophia. He hurt me.”
Sophia places a warm hand on my shoulder. “Just because you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you don’t.”
I sit up, crossing my legs. Twisting the hem of my tank top, I bow my head. “I miss him, Sophia.” Tears slide down my cheeks. “He hurt me, yet I hate the thought of hurting him. He texted me and said he missed me like fucking crazy and my pain intensified. It felt like a knife in my chest. Why do I care abouthispain when he hurt me so much?”
Sophia puts her arm around my shoulder. “Because you care about him. Evan has unconventional ways of showing it, but he cares about you, too. Everything you’ve told me. The things I’ve seen. The way he looks at you. Girl, he has it bad.” She gives me a small smile. “The Evan Whitmore I know doesn’t do relationships. Nor feelings. But everything is different with you.”
I stare at her, a part of me knowing she’s right. Yet, the betrayal I feel muddles my brain, making me think this is all a big joke to him and that he’s only playing me. That hurts even worse.
I know I’m projecting my distrust over what happened with Shane onto Evan. I haven’t been able to trust any man since the incident with Shane. I haven’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me.
Until now.
Sophia studies me, seeing the conflict on my face. I told her everything, including what happened with Shane. Like a dam bursting, I unleashed everything I’ve been holding inside—my mom’s lack of attention and affection, my Gram’s death and the resulting huge void and lack of love in my life, the incident with Shane, and the resulting loss of trust in people, and the incessant loneliness that only eases whenever Evan’s around.
I confessed everything about Evan, leaving nothing out.
When I was finished, I worried Sophia would turn her back on me like everyone else. Instead, she’s been a true friend—supportive, nonjudgmental, and caring.
“Why don’t you turn on the lecture? See for yourself.”
My eyes flick to hers and I nod. With shaky fingers, I turn it on, my muscles tense from anticipating seeing him.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sight of Evan, his clothing wrinkled like he slept in them. He’s wearing a baseball cap backward and there’s stubble on his face like he hasn’t shaved in a few days. The pronounced dark circles beneath his eyes make my heart ache.
He barely moves from the podium, a far cry from his usual animated lectures. On more than one occasion, his gaze becomes distant and unfocused. He visibly swallows, Adam’s Apple bobbing, an awkward silence descending over the room. Then he’d take a deep breath, blow it out, and resume, his voice low and sluggish.
“The times he stopped lecturing, he was looking at your empty chair.” Sophia puts her hand on my arm, squeezing gently. “He’s hurting badly.”
“Oh, God. I was mean to him when he texted.” I showed her my message, guilt swimming inside my veins.
