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“I need you to fuck that beast out of my head, Rupert.”
My heart slammed against my ribs and my head swam with raw desire and clawing guilt. I wanted to sleep with her so badly – being inside Vivian felt like coming home. But how could I fuck her when she was so brittle? So ready to end her life because I hadn’t kept her safe?
My silence narrowed her eyes. “You have to make me forget.”
My rabid heart smacked against me as her resolve thickened.
“It’s the least you can do.”
Her name left my lips in a gush of air but she continued as if I hadn’t said a word.
“Make me think only of you. Make me feel things I can’t un-feel.” Her expression darkened like a storm cloud. “Mark me,” she said, with a firmness that made me shake.
“Vivian…” I whispered again.
“Make me yours, Rupert. Are you listening?”
A frown clouded my brow and I nodded, her final words slicing my heart and pulling both halves apart.
“Fucking change me.”
Sweat beaded across every inch of my skin. The room was stifling.
I cupped her cheek with a damp, sizzling palm. “Are you sure?”
She leaned briefly into my touch but her expression was anything but soft. It was desperate, tearing me apart even further.
“Don’t be gentle,” she said, icily. “Don’t throw me over a desk. Don’t tie my hands together, and definitely don’t lick me.”
My spine crackled with hatred for what he’d done to us.
“I don’t want anything you’ve given me before. All that has to go, do you understand? It has to be new, something I’ve never experienced, so it can’t possibly remind me of him.”
My heart split right down the middle as her tears flowed. Ossian had shattered her very core.
I did the only thing I could think of that she had possibly never done. Holding her icy gaze, I unbuckled my belt and let it slip from the loops, then I snapped the expensive leather between my hands.
Her eyes dropped to the thin, crisp strap, and rounded before jumping back to mine. Her cheeks paled but she still nodded.
I stood boldly before her, palming my belt, but inside I was screaming. She wanted me to hurt her. She wanted me to inflict enough pain it would make her forget anything that vermin had done. I couldn’t do it.
Once upon a time I would have relished a bit of spanking. Hell, every time this woman had called me sir, I got hard and imagined her kneeling before me, a leather paddle in my hand. But everything had changed. She was hurting. She was vulnerable. She somehow felt this was all she deserved.
My hesitation was obvious and sadness welled in her eyes, then something shifted. She ground her jaw and raised her right arm, then before I could process it, she’d slapped me so hard my eyes smarted and I had to physically stop myself from retaliating.
Whether I wanted to do this or not, that slap was everything I needed to focus on the challenge she’d levelled at me.
“Turn around,” I gritted out.
Her face brightened, though her eyes darted fearfully. She didn’t know what she was letting herself in for, and unfortunately for Vivian, she’d pushed me too far now to care. I wanted her more than life itself. If she wanted me to hurt her, if that was what it took to make her feel safe, I would fucking do it.
She turned slowly and lowered her shaking hands to Minty’s mantlepiece.
“Hold it, tightly. Don’t even think about letting go.”
Her knuckles whitened.
I glanced down at the baggy jogging bottoms she wore. In any other world I’d have curled my forefinger over the waistband and inched them over her hips and bottom with agonising delay. But this moment called for recklessness. I roughly yanked them down with one hand and pushed her legs as far apart as they’d go. Her skin trembled as she stood with her back to me. I snapped the leather again and she jumped.
