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The longer I was away from Travis, the more I realized that he was never the support system I’d craved growing up. He was never going to be the man who held my hand while we were walking down the street. He was never going to pull me into his lap just because he wanted me to be near him. He’d never wrap his arms around me and burrow his face in my neck.
All Travis had wanted was ownership—control—and he’d gotten it,withmy big brother’s approval.
I blinked, trying to resist the tears that attempted to spring up. There was no way I was going there right now, not when Bailey clearly needed me. I had to be strong for her, just like I was strong for my boys. But damn, it was hard when I had a front-row seat to her pain and anguish. I was jealous in a way, jealous that she could be open about it all, meanwhile I had to keep all of mine locked deep down so that it never saw the light of day.
Swallowing down the lump that was building in my throat, I didn’t take my eyes off Bailey. She hadn’t told me everything that had happened to her—I was sure she never would—but she’d told me enough for me to connect the dots. She explained how Romeo was the one person who was helping her—who she trusted. And that was all I’d needed to know. That and the fact that I knew whoever that man who had broken into their home was wouldn’t be breathing for much longer.
That was what organizations like Romeo’s did. I knew that better than most because I’d grown up in the middle of the controlling family to the biggest criminal organization in the next state over. We didn’t have an official Mafia there—not an Italian one like in this state—but it was the equivalent of the same thing. People feared them, people wanted to be them, people wanted to eradicate them. But nobody had ever achieved that. They were stronger now than they ever had been, courtesy of my brother at the top and Travis right beside him as his best friend and right-hand man.
I shook my head, refusing to think about him, not wanting to allow the dark thoughts in my brain while I had someone else in the house. As soon as she was gone, I could let them swallow me whole, but until then, I just needed to focus on what was right in front of me.
Bailey would be safe now. No harm would come to her. But as my gaze slipped to my two sons who were playing quietly on the floor, I wasn’t so sure about us. I’d already been here for nearly five months and there was an itchiness starting to take place, a voice in the back of my head demanding that I start to move on, to not stay in one place for too long, to not risk being found.
But Kian was loving his new school, so maybe I should wait for the school year to be over—for summer to begin—and then I could pick up and move us somewhere new. Somewhere we could start fresh again.
Blowing out a breath, I came to terms with the fact that if I wanted to keep my little family safe, we’d never have true roots, we’d always be on the move—on the run—from their father, my husband, the one man who was supposed to protect us from the evil of this world, notbethe evil we needed protecting from.
My stomach rolled at the true reality of my situation. It didn’t matter what I did to distract myself, nothing would work. So I pushed my shoulders back and pulled a bright smile onto my face. I was a master at faking it, I’d had to be over the years. “The more you stare out of that window, the longer it will take him to get here,” I told Bailey.
She turned, her brows furrowing as she looked at me—really looked at me. “I know but…I just need to—” An engine roared down the street, one that had her eyes widening. “He’s here,” she blurted out, and shot up from her seat.
She was out of the living room and flinging the front door open before I’d even had time to process what was happening. By the time I told the boys to stay put and followed her to my front door, she was already in Romeo’s arms.
My breaths came a little harder as I watched them both, seeing the love on clear display—a love that I’d never had, a love I never would get. I envied her. It was ridiculous. Bailey had been through so much in her short life, yet I was jealous that she had someone who cared about her.
Maybe it was time I moved on. I couldn’t make attachments, I couldn’t make friends, not when I’d just leave again. I backed away and shut my front door, leaning my head against it for a second as I caught my breath.
I was learning lessons every day, keeping a tally of all the things I needed to do differently next time. I needed to not get involved with people. I needed to not make friends. I needed to keep to myself so that when I moved on again, no one would notice. I had to blend in, not stand out.
“Mom?”
My body tensed at the sound of my son’s voice. It was all for them, everything was for them. So I made my way back into the living room, stopping at the window just in time to see Bailey getting into Romeo’s car. I lifted my hand in a wave, a sad smile on my face and watched as he peeled away from the sidewalk.
“Mom?”
“Coming,” I called automatically, but I stayed at the window for an extra few seconds, pulling my mask down over my face, determined not to let a single person see the true darkness and pain that ebbed away at every part of me.
I pulled yet another fake smile onto my face, turned around, and tried not to see the features in my sons that were so similar to the man who had caused every ounce of agony I’d ever felt. The older that Kian and Reed got, the more they looked likehim. It was my worst nightmare, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Even when he wasn’t here, he was haunting me.
No one would ever truly know the suffering I held on to. I’d lock that deep down inside and throw away the key. Because I knew if I ever opened that box up, it would swallow me whole.
Pain was a part of who I was now, and I had no choice but to live with it, because the alternative didn’t bear thinking about.
* * *
RAFAEL
My stomach dipped as I heard the sound of Romeo’s engine pull up into the driveway of my parents’ home. Frowning, I made my way into Dad’s office and stared out of the window, watching as Romeo got out and walked around to the passenger side of the car, then opened up the door.
Fuck. He’d brought Bailey with him.
Wincing, I spun around and headed for the kitchen, but Mom calling my name had me halting.
My heart raced in my chest, thumping an erratic beat. Mom knew something was going on down in the brick shed, but she didn’t know the ins and outs. She didn’t know all of the details.
“Raf?” she called again, only this time it was closer—right behind me. “Who’s that girl with Romeo?”
