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“Shut up, woman, you have amazing thighs and legs, and you are damn fine, girl. Where are you getting this shit-talk about yourself from? You have an incredible body and you look lighter than what I lift on my leg and arm day at the gym.” He scolds me and scowls deep. “If this is your sister talking, I will slap her face with a wet kipper if I ever get the pleasure of meeting her,” he says through clenched teeth.
“A kipper?” I screw my nose up.
“Yes, Violet, a smelly, slimy, wet kipper.” He tightens the straps across my shoulder.
My water during midafternoon break was clearly spiked with bravery pills because before I know what is happening, I am harnessed up and standing at the bottom of the thirty-foot pole—thirty-foot, I feel faint—with Lincoln by my side.
My uncle Andrew has spoken to me the whole time I was getting equipped but I can’t repeat a single thing he’s said to me because there appears to be a high-pitched squeal piercing my ears. It hasn’t stopped since I stepped foot into the stupid harness with metal clamps and ties and all sorts of nonsense I didn’t pay attention to what the instructor called them. I was too busy having an internal meltdown.
“Violet.” A muffled low tone comes from my right. I think that’s the grim reaper calling me.
“Violet!” Lincoln makes me jump. “Look at me.”
I look at him.
“You are going to go first and I will be right behind you. You’ve probably watched how this is done a thousand times. We climb up together. We have to work as a team to stand on the pole at the top. Once we are up there, we will both count to three, then jump off. Propel yourself forward in order to latch on to the trapeze swing. We are jumping into a void, but see these?” He pulls on my harness. I nod. “If you miss the swing, these straps will support you. You won’t fall. You will drop slightly, then be lowered to the ground by the instructor below. Okay?” Lincoln nods his head, urging me to agree with him.
I hope my father knows I would like white lilies at my funeral, a black gloss casket, and I’ve always loved that slow Hawaiian version of “Over the Rainbow.” I would like them to play that at my funeral.
“Violet, did you get all of that?” Lincoln interrupts my funeral planning.
“I think so.”
Lincoln chuckles. “C’mon. Let’s do this. You first. I’ll be right behind you.”
“What if I fall down the pole? I will squash you. My ass will be in your face.” I squeal at that realization.
“What a way to go. Sounds like heaven.”
I swat his arm as he lightens the mood. He has an uncanny way of making me feel at ease.
“Now, stop stalling and climb the pole, Violet.”
“You’re so bossy.”
“Just get up this pole and make it your bitch. Face your nemesis. You can do this, and I am behind you every step of the way.”
“Watching my ass.”
“It’s a nice ass.”
“It’s very round.”
“Peachy. Perfect.”
“Are you doing this so you can stare at my ass?”
“Like you said, you got me pegged.”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake.” I take my first step onto the pole. “First, you tell me you saw nothing.” I take another step. “Then you tell me you saw everything and that you’d like to visit Hollywood. I mean, really? That’s a cheesy line if ever there was one. I thought I had you all figured out, but then I didn’t and now I am back to thinking you just want to check out my ass.” Another three steps up. “No woman rule. That’s a lie if ever I heard one. I bet you’ve slept with loads of women while traveling. Have you looked in a mirror lately? There is no way you haven’t been with a woman in months. You are very good-looking. Too good-looking.” I keep moving up. “Oddly distracting. Shiny smile, tall, so tall, and I bet you have a goddamn six-pack under that tee shirt you have on today. It should be illegal to look as hot as you do.” I grip the foot peg above and move up again. “Then you tell me back in the room that I have pretty eyes. You are such a sweet-talking liar. I think you are, anyway.” I keep climbing. “You then tell me I have a pretty hoo-ha.” Another four steps up. I’m annoyed that I believed his sweet-talking words. “You are just like all the other men, aren’t you? Only after one thing.” I ascend step by painful step. “Wow, it’s hot up here.” I keep focus on my hands, determined not to look down. “Are you a stalker? You found out a lot of information about me in a short space of time. What a fool I am. Did you actually think I would buy the “I want to take you out on a date bullshit?” I push my shoe angrily into the foot hole.
A chuckle from behind me alerts me just how close Lincoln is and his laugh makes my pulse race.
“And for your information, I didn’t have any panties on yesterday because I stayed at the hotel around the corner from the gym so I could beat the morning rush hour and I forgot to pack clean underwear. Okay? Satisfied? I am not in the habit of flashing my hoo-ha to random people I just met.”
“Hoo-ha?”
“Yes, Lincoln. My hoo-ha.” Another step.
