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It’s like the elephant in the room that neither of us wants to acknowledge. And how can you have a baby if you never even try to make one? It’s been weeks since we had sex. What the hell happened to us?
Stunned into silence, I can’t think of anything to say because I know she’s right.
“I don’t think I was meant to be a mom.” Covering her face with both hands, she sobs into them and my heart fucking stops at how gut wrenching she sounds, wondering how long she’s been bottling this all up. “I’ll be forty in two years. I’m too old to have a baby.” Her voice is somber and I feel her fighting spirit dwindling.
Too oblivious, or scratch that, too self-centered to notice how much she’s been hurting. I want to hit myself in the nuts with a sledgehammer; it would be less painful than hearing Lily cry. My ambition to be successful has clouded the single most important thing in my life. Her.
My possessive arms are around her, holding her tight as she cries into my shirt, drenching it in tears.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Sobbing, she mumbles, “I don’t feel like me lately. I feel so down and I never feel depressed. I can’t concentrate at work sometimes; it feels like I have brain fog. You’re never around to talk to.” Just when I think she can’t break my heart anymore, she does, smashing it into smithereens. “And I’m so lonely. I’m not just saying I miss you for the sake of it, Ash. I really mean it.”
When her sister and father moved to Edmonton to be closer to us, Lily was so excited. Only since Gemma split up with her husband last year and went traveling, not having her sister, who was her best friend, around anymore has been hard for her. Then, of course, her dad found happiness and remarried Diana around the same time.
Driving the knife in deeper, all of our friends have kids and are always so busy. I can see why she’s lonely. I may be surrounded by the hockey team and my friends who I work with, but I guess I feel the same way as Lily. Although, for me, I seem to be able to switch off that part of my brain when I go to work, allowing me to focus on my job and just get it done.
I rub her back gently, gliding over the fabric of the dress to comfort her. “This is all my fault, Lily. I didn’t know you felt this way.” Or maybe I did, and I chose to ignore it. It’s as if the joy has been sucked out of her. “I don’t want you to feel like this anymore.” I want to take all her despair away.
“Neither do I. I think I need to see a doctor. Maybe my thyroid is playing up or I need Vitamin D shots or something,” she says, her voice hoarse and thick with sadness.
Or she needs a husband who comes home to her every night.
“Why don’t you make an appointment, see what she says, then let’s make an appointment with a fertility specialist?” I always wanted to start a family with her. We both shared the same dream. Only we’ve been too career focused and I am praying that we still have time.
“Maybe.” She’s non-committal with her reply, which worries me. I thought that’s what she wanted. “Let’s go and get Wade out of prison.” When she looks up at me, a stabbing pain shoots through my heart. Her bloodshot eyes are lined in a pinkish-red tone and wetness soaks her cheeks, her nose flushed on the end.
“I’m calling one of the assistant coaches. They can sort it. I’m taking my wife home.” She’s far more important than Wade Collins.
“You don’t have to do that. We can go together.”
“No.” My reply is firm. I pull my phone out of the back pocket of my navy chinos and text Edward. I would ask Brayden, but that’s not fair on Candy, especially if she feels the same way as Lily. We all work too hard and haven’t had a day off in three weeks.
I need to speak to management tomorrow and ask them to schedule in some compulsory days off for everyone, otherwise, I’m either going to have a heart attack with the amount of pressure I am under, or I’m at high risk of losing my wife. Maybe both.
Looking at herself in the mirror, Lily runs her fingers under her mascara-stained eyes and cheeks. “I can’t let them see me like this.” She looks at my reflection in the mirror. “And you have mascara all over your shirt. That’s never coming out.”
“I don’t care.” I brush the damp stain.
When Edward replies, informing me that he’s on his way to get Wade, I switch my phone off for the night and push it back into my pocket. I am way too accessible. That needs to stop too.
Both facing the mirror, we stare at each other. “We’ll tell them you’re feeling unwell, and we have to go home because you have a painful tummy ache that’s made you cry. No one ever needs to know. Okay?” I bracket my arms on either side of the washbasin, caging her in while I rest my chin on her shoulder. “Then we are going home, and I am going to kiss every inch of your beautiful body. Every curve, every freckle, every delicious part of you.”
“I put my new lingerie on for you tonight.” Her lips twitch with mischief and I groan, remembering the photo she sent me last night.
“I want you to take it all off. I don’t want any of you covered up. I want to see you. All of you.” Kissing her neck, I ghost my lips against the shell of her ear and watch her reaction in the mirror when I whisper, “Then I’m going to lick your pretty pussy until you’re screaming my name, Tiger.”
The skin on her neck flushes and her lips part slightly, knowing how good I can make her feel. “I think I’d like that.” She swallows.
“Then I’m going to fill you with my cock and fuck you so hard. And maybe then you’ll realize just how much you turn me on.” I’m rock solid just thinking about it.
I grind my hips into her ass, making her gasp. “Do you feel that? Feel what you do to me?” I grab her hand, pull it back, and rub it over my throbbing cock. “Still think I don’t find you attractive?” She shakes her head. “Good. Now get your sexy backside out there and act like you have the sorest stomach. It’s time to go, Mrs. Johansson.” I back away to let Lily straighten herself up. “I will ask Brayden to take tomorrow’s training session and you’re taking tomorrow off because we are going to spend all day in bed and I’m going to worship your body.”
“All day?” She giggles, as if not believing I still have the stamina.
I widen my eyes, “All day. What? You think this old man can’t keep it up for that long anymore?” Although I don’t know if I can, it’s been a while since we did that.
“You’ll have to prove me wrong, Mr. Johansson, and show me what you got,” she says, smiling and sounding more like her cheerful self. Although I can’t deny that I’m worried about her, and want her to make an appointment with the doctor as soon as possible.
Biting her lip, as if nervous, she says, “Although I do have clients tomorrow.”
