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Now the game really is on.
Come hell or high water, I’m getting my wife back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lily
“Oh, Lily, darling.” A feminine voice breaks through my daydream, or nightmare more like, and I know it’s Candy. She could be one of those girls you phone for a sex chat. She has one of the sexiest voices I know.
Bree’s sultry tone breaks through the silence. “We let ourselves in with Troy’s key Ash gave him in case of emergencies. We heard what happened.”
I’m glad they’re here. This is an emergency.
The bed dips on either side of me as I count the sparkling crystals dangling from the chandelier above the bed.
“I miss my mom,” I admit. It’s been sixteen years since she passed away and the pain of her death has never disappeared. “And my sister.” Gemma never replied to my text. She’s too busy finding herself. Like Elizabeth Gilbert, she’s probably meditating, eating nothing but cabbage soup, and having sex with monks or something equally life altering. Discovering herself. It’s what I call running away. Gemma married Chris, who she thought was her soul mate, around five years ago. She’s never had much luck with men though, and yet again her husband broke her heart and had an affair with their next-door neighbor, Jack. None of us saw that coming. So, she packed up her stuff and left Canada six months ago. Utterly heartbroken and too ashamed to stay and face her ex-husband’s deceit, she ran to Peru, of all places. Although it would be hard to stay around and avoid him, considering he moved in with Jack next door. But hey, life seems to be throwing shitstorms at the Murphy girls this year. Although I’m a Johansson now.
I do love being Lily Johansson. I always have.
“She’ll be home in a couple of months,” Candy says, lying down next to me on one side while Bree makes herself comfortable on the other.
“That’s too long.” I sigh, feeling hopeless.
Bree pats my hand. “You have me.”
Candy takes my other hand in hers and turns onto her side. “And me.”
And yet, sometimes I don’t feel like I have them at all.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby,” Candy whispers, staring at the side of my face.
I roll my head to look at her and smile in the low light. “I’m really happy for you.” I am. “I know you think your news would hurt me.” Sometimes it does when I hear of yet another friend expecting another baby when I can’t even have one. However, I’m honest when I say, “It doesn’t hurt, but it makes me jealous.” Envy is a terrible thing and a trait I never possessed before we started trying for a baby with no success. Although, I still can’t accept what isn’t possible, and it messes with my inner peace. I was advised to attend therapy sessions after our last cycle of failed IVF. I’m now wishing I had gone. “Congratulations, Candy. I bet Milly and Flynn are excited.” Brayden and Candy made two very cute kids already. I’m positive this one will be just as adorable.
“They wanted a puppy,” she explains, and I don’t know where I find the energy to laugh, but I do.
“Let’s hope the new baby is hairy then,” Bree drawls, setting us all off.
I let out a huge breath and stare at the ceiling again. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re telling him you’ve had enough. That’s what you are doing,” Candy says, understanding the long hours our husbands work. “It’s hard, I know. But at least I have the kids to keep me company when Brayden’s away.”
“Me too,” Bree pipes up. “That doesn’t mean to say that you’re not welcome to come over. You should know that. You’ve stayed away from us for way too long.”
I confess my thoughts. Might as well get it all out in one night. “I hate the fact that you girls don’t talk about your kids around me. When, in fact, I love hearing when they move to the next level in dance class or when they have their violin recitals. I don’t have the plague. I just can’t have a baby. And that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in what your kids have been up to.” I pause. “It makes me feel closer to you guys.”
Candy and Bree squeeze my hands.
“And Bree, I really liked it when I overheard you telling Candy your birthing story. It sounded amazing.” Something I could only ever dream of, but a water birth sounded so much nicer than Candy’s epidural labor, she told Bree about in return. “I overheard you both talking in the kitchen not long after you had Katie,” I confess. “I wasn’t eavesdropping.” But I know they didn’t have the conversation in front of me for fear of hurting my feelings.
“We’re sorry.” Bree sits up and looks down at me. “We never meant to make you feel like the odd one out.”
“I know.” Recently we’ve grown apart. Like me and Ash.
I feel like I’m being left out at sea to float all by myself with no paddle. Everyone around me is close, yet so far away.
Candy leans up on her elbow. “We thought we were doing the right thing.”
“It’s fine,” I reply. It is. I understand their reasoning.
