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I've tried calling him, but he refuses to pick up. Although he texts me every day with three words.
I love you.
Simple but significant.
And yet he still won’t speak to me.
He’s angry with me. He has to be. I moved out of our marital home.
Maybe he needs time before he speaks to me again.
I suppose it’s what we both need. It’s what I wanted.
Although he’s most likely prepared a voodoo doll of me and is currently sticking needles into my eyes. I swear that’s why they are painful. Of course, it has nothing to do with the amount of crying I have done over the last four days.
Not wanting to face the world, I stayed in bed all day yesterday. Something I have only ever done with Ash in that apartment.
It feels weird without him there.
Everything feels weird without him.
The divide between us is wider than an ocean.
And if he isn’t picking up my calls anymore, how will we ever fix us?
It might be too late for that.
I pulled the pin and blew our world apart.
I doubt he will ever forgive me.
But I still love him. He’s the love of my life.
So, what the hell was I thinking, leaving him?
I hope I did the right thing, regrouping, as Candy and Bree called it. I needed space and being in that huge house, I was drowning. Weirdly, I feel better not being there. I love our old apartment. It feels like home.
And while leaving him was a difficult decision to make, we had tried to reconnect, but it didn’t work and life, yet again, got in the way. It was time to break the cycle we created ourselves.
We need this.
I know we do.
We need change, and while I hate to be the catalyst to make that happen, I hope Ash understands my reasons.
From behind me, the elevator pings, the doors sliding open as someone returns from their break. It’s lunchtime, and, like every day, my staff went out to eat. They all love the little deli below the office block. They serve the most mouthwatering delicious rolls and soups. Oh, and their buttery pastries are to die for. If I ate there every day I would have to start going to the gym. And that sounds like hell.
While my staff are encouraged to leave their desks, I, on the other hand, chose, yet again, to stay in my office. Eating and talking to people seemed like a huge chore I couldn’t handle. And I have no appetite for food. I’ve felt sick to my stomach since Thursday.
With today being Monday, I realize I’ve barely eaten anything in days.
Giggling from behind me alerts me to Janice’s return, along with a deeper masculine voice that sets her off again.
A deep voice that has been seared into my soul.
Oh, my God.
I spin my chair around to see where it’s coming from, unsure if I am hearing things.
