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“Wilder you scared me. And you hurt me. That’s not okay.” She replied, barely above a whisper and pained.
“I know. I’m sorry. Please, who was that?” I tried again, desperate for an answer, even though I knew deep down what it would be. The truth was unbearable, threatening to crush whatever connection we may have had.
“He’s my date. You knew that.” I asked and I knew the answer but I couldn’t handle it anyway. I threw the glass against the wall.
Anna threw her hands up in the air. “Dammit, Wilder. You can’t do shit like this. We’re not together.”
I didn’t face her. “I know, Anna. Believe me, I know. Why the fuck would you bring him here? Are you trying to provoke me?” I held my fists against my eyes. My head was swirling with emotion and the whiskey in my system. I knew that I was falling for her before she ended things. I didn’t realize how hard I had fallen though.
“Has your life changed since we last talked?” She asked me. I let the silence hang between us. She knew it hadn’t.
“Wilder, you hurt people. I don’t want to be with someone who could do that. I can’t be with someone like that. You hid it from me, how can I ever trust you?” she voiced, her tears now flowing freely, each word striking me like a painful blow. The claws of the truth dug deep and I had to grasp for straws. This was the pivotal moment, I had to try. My mother had tried to save me from this life and she died because of it. I needed to try and save myself now.
I stood before Anna, my heart lay bare in the words I spoke. The room seemed to grow still as the weight of my emotions hung in the air. Each word carried the weight of my past mistakes.
“I love you, Anna,” I confessed, my voice filled with a mix of vulnerability and sincerity. “I’ve hidden it because I believed you deserved better than someone like me. Someone tarnished by the darkness of my past. But the truth is, you are too good for me. Your unwavering honesty, your boundless love, and your innocence all shine through, illuminating my life in ways I never thought possible.”
“I didn’t know I could want something so pure until I met you, Anna. And now, I can’t imagine a life without you. Please, give me a chance to prove that I can change, that I can be the man you deserve. I want to build a future together. What if I could get out? What if I could leave the life behind and start over for us?” I held my breath, waiting for her response.
“Am I interrupting?” Goddammit. The Boston accent was so eerily similar to my father’s. I turned around to face him. “Hey little brother, don’t you want to introduce us?” He said.
20
Chapter 20
ANNA
Wilder’s jaw clenched and shoulder tensed. I saw the shock in his eyes as he turned toward the man in the doorway.
“Quinn.” Wilder gestured to the man who just entered, who by now had made his way over to the bar, “This is Anna. She’s a waitress here.” Wilder stepped between me and the other man. Something was very wrong. Wilder looked nervous. He obviously knew this man, his brother. The man walked in with confidence in his power over others, a swagger. He could crush anyone in his path, and he looked like he would enjoy it. It was danger and power but different than Wilder’s.
“Oh come on now, I can tell that this is not just a reprimand from a boss to his employee. Who is she, Wilder?” Quinn smirked and sat down in Wilder’s chair. “We’re family. You can tell me. She’s your girlfriend, right? Or is she just the whore of the week? Don’t try to be sneaky, little brother. It makes me mad.”
I tried to speak, but Wilder cuts me off. “She’s a friend. And she was just leaving. I assume since you are here in person, you have something important to discuss.” Wilder turned around to escort me to the door.
“Go to John. Tell him you are to wait with him until I can come to get you. Do not leave, it’s important that you do not leave.” He whispered as we walk.
“Yes. It’s best if she leaves. Mother is a topic best discussed privately.” Wilder flinched at the mention of his mother. “Goodbye Anna, perhaps we will meet again,” Quinn remarked as I leave.
“Find John.” Wilder pleaded. His eyes darkened and his words were short. I couldn’t tell if he was still mad or what because Wilder was cold and distant. He shut the door before I could figure it out.
I stood in the dark hallway unsure of what to do. I thought about listening through the door. But two big guys were standing outside of it, both had guns in their hands. They weren’t there before, they must have come with Quinn.
I ducked inside a bathroom that we had passed when Wilder was leading me back to his office. My makeup was streaked from crying and my hair was a mess. The fingerprints from where Wilder grasped my wrist were fading and I didn’t know if I would get a bruise.
What the hell was this night? I was starting to get out of my head and even have a little fun. But then Wilder came crashing back into my life. Had he really meant it when he said he loved me? Could I believe him? He offered to get out of this life he leads. Could he really do it? Could he truly change? Could he overcome the darkness that had consumed him? And most importantly, did I have the strength to take a leap of faith, to trust in his transformation? My heart was so happy when I heard him say it. I wanted to hold onto him and kiss him, just one more time.
I knew that I didn’t want the lifestyle that would come with Wilder if he wasn’t able to get out, but I knew that I wanted Wilder too. I wanted him to hold me, hug me, and kiss me again. He was out of line when he pulled me off the dance floor. But in his office, that was the most out of control I had ever seen him. It was raw emotion, not the power and control that he always portrayed. Wilder couldn’t stand the idea that I could be with someone else. I didn’t know how to organize the psychoticness of it and the love part of it in my brain.
Exhausted from the mental gymnastics of flip-flopping back and forth between wanting to be with Wilder and protecting my heart, I made the decision to leave. I didn’t need this drama in my life. I cleaned myself up and tossed my hair into a ponytail. I wasn’t going to wait for him, I would deal with Wilder another night.
Bypassing the bar, I headed outside and grabbed a cab. I was drained, emotionally and physically. I sent a quick text to Alexis asking to meet her for lunch tomorrow to discuss the Wilder situation. I sent another text to Wilder, telling him that I needed him to leave me alone until I could figure things out. I loved him but it may not be enough.
I was halfway asleep when the cab driver pulled up in front of my apartment. I handed him the cash and climb out. Luna was barking from inside the apartment, which was odd. I bet I would be getting some complaints tomorrow from the neighbors.
Entering my apartment, something didn’t feel right. Luna was growling in her kennel and goosebumps dotted my arms.
The door slammed shut behind me and I spun around. It happened so fast. The impact of his blow left blood trickling down my face from where he hit me. My body hung limp as he effortlessly carried me through the door. I desperately tried to scream, but only a feeble whimper escaped my lips. As the darkness enveloped me, a profound realization settled in. I finally understood what Wilder was trying to convey when he told me to find John. It was fear. Wilder was scared.
