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Hearing those words from Janey's mouth today loosened something in my chest I didn't know was there. Something hard and tight.
I've been trying, but I know sometimes, despite my best efforts, things don't always go my way. But I can see it now.
Janey's mine.
She's not planning on going anywhere. She rushes over to me, her face wreathed in a smile. She's been smiling all afternoon. I understand it. Her father wants to be her father. Of all the things I planned for walking into that apartment today, that was not one of them.
She pushes open the door, and steps out with a full body shiver. The sun is shining, but the wind is biting up here. I open my arms, and she snuggles right in. I gaze over her head, back into our apartment. Her father, Dan, is being interrogated by Ransom, but he seems to be holding up okay.
"It's going well, isn't it?" Janey asks, looking up at me, her chin on my chest.
"No one is yelling."
She laughs, and presses her cheek to my shoulder. "True. Everyone's been on their best behavior."
"It won't last. It can't. Someone's about to blow from the effort."
She giggles, a light, free sound. "You're probably right. Should we go back in, and see if we can break some of the tension?"
I tilt her chin up so I can see her face. "Why would we do that? Watching one of my brothers crack is fun. Why ruin it?"
This time, I see the giggle. Her whole face lights up. "That's awful."
"But also true. Admit it, you like watching the meltdowns too."
She snorts, and covers her mouth with her hand, but I still see the smile. "Maybe," she mumbles through her hand.
I tug her back into me, and twist, blocking most of the wind with my body. "I am the best husband in the world," I say, watching her carefully.
She smiles. "Yes. You are."
"The world. Not just Chicago, but the world," I prompt.
Her hand comes up, cupping my cheek, the warmth soaking into my icy skin. "The world. Probably the universe, actually, but since we don't know what's out there, I'll stick with the world."
"Statistically, there are likely billions of inhabited planets in our solar system. But I don't care in if I'm the best husband in the universe as long as I'm the best husband for Janey."
Her smile makes my ears hot. "I can't imagine a better one."
I nod, more than satisfied with her answer. I’m certain. "You love me."
Her mouth drops open. "You stole my thunder, darn it."
I automatically glance up, looking for storm clouds, and listen for thunder. It's another figure of speech, I know, but still, I wait. When I look back down at her, I see what I expected. Warmth, patience, and a little bit of humor. She cups both of my cheeks and peers deeply into my eyes. It feels like she sees all of me. That feeling isn't always comfortable. I love this woman. I would give her anything, but I know, some days, I'm just not going to be able to give her this. But for right now, today, I hold her gaze. I let her see me.
"Jonas Lee...wait, do you have a middle name? I don't know it."
"Kai. My middle name is Kai."
"Jonas Kai Lee, I love you. Big time. And I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I had a bunch of junk in my head that made me doubt myself for a while. But I'm done with that." Her mouth twists and she wrinkles up her nose. "Well, I'll probably doubt myself again, but I'm not going to let it interfere with us."
"You're not planning to divorce me?"
She bites her lip and shakes her head. "No. I'm going to keep you," her voice turns soft and hesitant, and I'm amazed she even asks the next question. "I mean, as long as you don't want a divorce."
"I don't want a divorce. I never did. If I had my way, I would spend the rest of my life right next to you.” I pause and remember that stupid discussion with my brothers a while back. “Unless I have to poop. I would still prefer to do that in private."
The sunlight makes her hair golden, the strands waving in the breeze as she throws her head back and laughs. I wasn't joking. I don't think you should poop in front of your wife. She would never look at me the same. I can't see how that would be a good thing.
