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"Janey. I went to her apartment tonight. But she's not there. The landlord said she was evicted weeks ago." My hands clench into fists. "I can't find her. Where is she? She won't be back at the office until January. That's too long to wait. We have to make sure she's okay now."
Maya slides off of Zach's lap, and puts their dog, Gracie, on the ground. Gracie runs over to me and puts her little paws on my shins. I pick her up and pull her close, focusing on the feeling of her little tongue on my cheeks. It's a welcome escape from the fear and worry pressing me down.
Ransom walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Come sit down, brother. Let's talk it out."
I shake his hand off, unable to bear another sensation. I'm already overloaded. "I don't want to sit down. Janey does not have a home." Why aren't they as worried as I am? "Why aren't we out looking for her?"
Declan stands from his spot at the table. "I'll grab my computer. I'll start digging. I'll figure out what's going on, I promise." He jogs out of the room, and some of the fear drains away. He's a computer genius. He gets computers the way I get numbers. If anyone can find her, it's him.
"Tell me what happened tonight," Zach asks, face worried.
"We...argued tonight. She left, but I realized she had forgotten her jacket. It's cold outside. She needs her coat, Zach."
"I could call the shelters," Evie offers. The word shelter sends a shockwave through me. It's inconceivable to me that Janey would be at a shelter.
"Why would she be there? I am her friend. She knows she can come to us...doesn't she? I...I don't understand."
Maya moves to me, and takes my hand. Her touch is light as she guides me to the couch, gently urging me to sit. "We don't always know what people are going through. She might have been embarrassed, or maybe she's sitting warm and cozy in a new apartment."
The dog circles the couch next to me, then plops down, her chin on my knee. "Cozy and warm," I repeat, wishing that were true. In my gut. I know it's not. I stand abruptly. "Maybe. I can't stay here. I'm going out to look for her. I'll drive all night if I have to."
Anything is better than sitting here and worrying.
Evie, from her spot at the table, nods. "I'll call you if I learn anything." She has her cell phone pressed to her ear. She's worked hard to build a network of shelters and women's support groups. As a nurse, she comes in contact with women who need help all the time. She's the one that helped Micah's woman Holly, escape her abusive ex. If anyone can find Janey at a shelter, she can.
"Declan needs to call me if he figures anything out,” I say to the room at large.
I move to the door, and a rush of movement fills the air. Turning back, I see everyone moving toward me. "What are you doing?"
They all look at each other, but Ransom's the one that answers. "We're going out to look too. We all know how you feel about her, Jonas. But it's more than that. She's one of ours, and until we know she's safe, we won't rest."
We're going to find her. Together. Of course, we are. That's how we operate. If I were less panicked, I would have remembered that. New energy fills my body.
"Okay. If we're doing this, we're going to do it right. We'll work in grids."
We're going to find her.
And this time, I won't let her walk away from me.
5
JANEY
I ride the bus until the driver warns me that the service is shutting down soon. The pity in his eyes, clear in the rearview mirror, brings heat to my cheeks. I've changed buses three times, but now, there are no more options. How did I get here? Not just on this bus but here, in this stupid predicament. I have a decision to make and no more time to make it. It's the middle of the night. The streets are empty, and the idea of getting off this bus to wander alone in the cold makes me want to hurl.
The neighborhood we're passing through is all too familiar, the streets and buildings relatively unchanged over the decade since I left. I never wanted to come back here. I never do. Even when Mark...needs something, he always comes to me, or we meet somewhere in the middle.
The sign for Leo's Diner is visible up the block, and my hand pulls the cord to request a stop before I even realize it. The older driver pulls over and opens the front door. His eyes are full of concern.
"Hon, you sure you wanna get out here? This isn't the best neighborhood."
I attempt a smile, but it's weak. "I grew up here. I'll be ok."
He doesn't look convinced, but I don't give him a chance to respond, holding my bag close and stepping off the bus into the biting wind. I've lived here all my life. The howl of the wind is familiar, a voice taunting me. You fool, you know better.
I do know better. I know better than to trust people. I know better than to forget my coat. I know better than to believe things will be ok.
And I definitely know better than to be in this neighborhood at three in the morning. But I'm out of choices. It's an unwelcome, very familiar feeling. I've never been able to fully escape this place, but I had distance. And with distance came the illusion of freedom.
