Page 22 of Jonas

She's staring at our hands, barely breathing. "Fragile. Also not a word anyone's used to describe me." Her words send a gentle brush of air over my fingers.

Tipping her chin up with my other hand, so I can catch her eyes, I hold her gaze and give her the rest of my truth. "You are fragile. Maybe not physically, though I would argue, compared to me, you are. It is more than that, though. You are filled with so much doubt in yourself and your abilities that you carry it around with you like a weight. You don't see yourself clearly, Janey. But I see you. I see how smart you are. How good you are."

She rocks back on her heels blinking furiously, and shakes her head. "Would a smart woman let a man steal everything from her?" she challenges, scowling at me.

"Another person's actions don't define you. Would you blame Holly for staying with her abusive husband for so long."

"Never," she says with a gasp. "But it's not the —“

"Yes, it is," I say, cutting her off. "She is not responsible for his actions, any more than you are responsible for..." Maybe I should learn the name of the man I'm going to destroy. Make no mistake, he'll wish he's dead by the time I'm done with him.

"Keith,” she says, wincing. “If that's even his name. I'm sure it's not. I'm sure most of what he told me was a lie. Maybe I just wanted to believe him too much."

She wanted to believe him. But when I tell her the truth, she sees lies. How am I supposed to combat that? "Why, Janey. Why him?"

She seems to deflate. Carefully, I cup her shoulder and bring her into my body. She drops her forehead on my chest, and I feel like a helium balloon, ready to float away.

"I thought maybe I could have what other people have. Someone who loves me. Maybe a home and a family one day. Keith came along and seemed to know exactly what I dreamed of, and he just pretended to be exactly what I thought I wanted. I knew better, but I think I let myself believe differently."

I am going to murder him. I can bury him in the desert, right next to her brother. "Janey." I wait for her to look at me. "You can have someone who loves you. And a home. And a family. With me. All you have to do is marry me."

9

JANEY

He says the most amazing things, so matter of factly, it steals the breath from my chest. I let out a wheezing gasp.

"Wait. You want to marry me?"

He scowls at me adorably, his hair standing straight up, his jaw heavily shadowed. I want to run my fingers along the stubble. Everything about Jonas draws me in, though that's new too. I didn't let myself look at him like that. I didn’t let myself dream.

"I already asked you, Janey. Keep up,” he says with an annoyed frown.

I shoot him a look. "Yes. I know. But you said it was for me. So I wouldn't have to worry about Mark anymore."

"Oh. Yes. Well, that's still true."

"So you only proposed to protect me from Mark?"

"I proposed because I want to be your husband. Protecting you from Mark is just a bonus."

I step back, out of Jonas's arms. He's too warm. I'm getting way too comfortable, my head filled with him. "You want to be my husband?" The disbelief in my tone is obvious. But it honestly doesn't track. He could have anyone. Be with anyone. Someone better than me. Someone smarter.

He groans and stares at the ceiling, his massive chest inhaling and exhaling with his breaths. Ten of them. Then he looks back at me, somewhere around my left ear. "This conversation is excruciating. I feel like you're not really talking to me, just talking around me. Just ask me. Just say whatever you want to say."

"You want to marry me, even if I don't l...love you? That's not really how these things usually go." I'm afraid to say the words. I don't want to hurt him, but he doesn't seem surprised. Or hurt. Only nodding at me as he tugs at the neck of his sweater.

"I know. I watched the movies. Usually, both people declare their undying love, and they kiss and hug. I have researched the formula." Of course he's researched it. Jonas is nothing if not thorough. I'm going to let the realization that he's been researching proposals slide. I don't want to think about what that might mean right now. I can't handle any more heartbreak.

"And it doesn't bother you? That I don't love you?"

He props his hands on his hips and glances at me with a frown. "I think you like me. And many marriages start with like. In many parts of the world, arranged marriages are still very common. So no, it doesn't bother me. I know I can be a good husband to you. And with enough time, I can make you love me back." The absolute confidence in his voice is awe inspiring. What would it be like to move through the world like that?

"You can't make someone love you. I've tried. It doesn't work."

His face shifts, a look of determination coming over it. "Maybe not. But I can treat you so well, be the man you need, that you just might return my feelings one day."

The man I need. "And what if I can't?"

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