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He nods. "That is a possibility. I know. But it is a risk I am willing to take. If I can't make you fall in love with me in one year, then you can divorce me. We'll make sure of that legally, Mark can't touch you, and you'll be a rich woman. There is no downside."
No downside? Seriously? Does he have no care for his own heart? To marry someone he thinks he loves, knowing that he might have to let her go in a year? I can't decide if he's too good or if he's just crazy. "Jonas, that doesn't seem fair to you. At all. And I don't want your money."
He's scowling again, but I'm not intimidated. He's staring at my forehead, and I can see the gears turning. He's trying to figure out how he can convince me. But I'm not sure there's anything he can say. This idea is beyond crazy. And, yes, a little tantalizing. What would it be like to have a man treat me well? I thought Keith did, taking me to dinner and being so sweet, but I have a feeling Jonas would take it to another level.
Would it be so wrong to marry him? To not have to worry for a while? I can't picture my life without worry, but I imagine it would be wonderful. But can I marry a man just for security? I almost laugh out loud. Lots of women do that, marry for money or security. Why shouldn't I?
Because he doesn't really love me, he can't. And I don't think I could bear watching those blinders fall from his eyes when he really gets to know the real me. The woman who used to regularly have her power turned off because she'd forget to pay the bill. The woman who would forget where she parked the car and spend hours searching for it.
I am no prize, and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to be there when he realizes that. There is nothing he can say to change my mind.
"I have never been in a relationship. Or had a girlfriend." He clears his throat and studies our feet. "My brothers are building families. Colton and Evie already have Mia. Holly and Micah's baby is due soon. I'm being left behind. Far behind. And until you, I didn't mind. But now, feeling for you the way I do, I mind. I know that we might spend the next year as roommates. But at least I'll know I tried, and I won't have to wonder for the rest of my life."
Okay, maybe there is something he could say to change my mind. I know all too well how it feels to be left behind. To feel like everybody's lives are getting bigger while yours stays exactly the same.
"I'm not sure this is a good idea," I say slowly. "But if we did this, how would it work?"
His gaze sharpens, and he taps his fingers on the side of his leg. "Our marriage?"
"Yes. When would we do this? Where would we live? Would...would we sleep together?" I've had sex before. I've shared a bed with a few men. But the last man I slept with broke my heart and stole from me. Forgive me if I'm a little anxious now.
Jonas's hand brushes against his temple, reaching to adjust the glasses he's not wearing. The sign of nervousness calms me. Unsure, slightly awkward Jonas is easier to handle than the self-assured, dominant man I was dealing with a few minutes ago. That version of Jonas, the one that stares right at me and says the most shattering things is much harder to handle.
"We would get married right away. I think that would be best for your safety. Then I can take steps to ensure your brother knows you're untouchable. We could go to the courthouse or arrange something small if you'd like. Kade and Colton's weddings were in Vegas at a hotel, and that wasn't too bad. Not formal or anything. Well, Colton's was at a hotel we own, and it was nicer. Kade and Becca were drunk and got married by a Bon Jovi impersonator." He peeks at my face, then shifts his gaze over my shoulder. "We would live here. My home is large, and all my family is here. Unless you'd rather live somewhere else?"
"Here is fine," I murmur, waiting with damp palms to hear what he says about the bed situation. I can't decide what I want his answer to be.
He inhales deeply, his chest expanding. "Ok. Good. That's good." His palms come together, and he twists them, his fingers brushing against each other. I can barely hear the whooshing sound it makes over the roaring in my ears. After a minute, he drops his hands and looks me dead in the eyes, determination written all over him.
"I want to be your husband in all ways. I don't have any practical experience, but I have studied extensively, and I know with enough practice, I could please you in bed. But at the front of every book I've read on the subject, it emphasizes that unless both partners are relaxed and engaged, sex will not be as satisfying. It is not something that can be forced. So where you sleep after we marry is up to you. I want you in my bed, but only when you are comfortable. Then, I will please you."
"I --," A wheeze leaves my chest. No practical experience. Please you. I try again. “I…um. I see. So I could have my own room." He nods, still studying me. "And if I never want to...sleep with you?"
"That is your choice. All I ask is that you spend time with me. Let me show you how it could be between us."
"So that at the end of a year, I don't want a divorce?"
He exhales and rubs his palm over his mouth. "I am aware that you could choose to marry me, then keep me at arm's length. But that's not a logical choice. I'm offering you a chance to have exactly what you want."
"What I want?" I have no idea what I want anymore. I don't know what day of the week it is anymore.
"Yes, Janey. You said it yourself. You want someone who loves you and a home and family. You marry me, and you'll have it all, right away. I come with a built-in family. And I will give you as many children as you like." He stutters just a little on the word children. I get it. I think my brain just short-circuited on the idea of making children with Jonas. This man is offering me everything I've ever wanted. He's got it all worked out. And I —.
"Janey!" His voice is coming through a tunnel. Everything feels fuzzy. "Janey!" I let my head rest against something warm. The steady thump of Jonas's heart beneath my ear tells me exactly where I am.
"I'm okay," I murmur, not bothering to open my eyes. I need to rest here, just for a minute.
Jonas's arms, wrapped tight around me, tighten even further. My feet are still on the ground, but they're not holding any of my weight. I should really get my act together.
I force my eyes open, meeting Jonas's worried gaze. "I'm okay," I say again. "I haven't eaten in a while, and...well everything is a lot right now. I'm sorry."
His mouth tightens. "Do not apologize. I am sorry. I should not have forced this conversation. Forget everything I said. I can help with your brother, you don't have to —.”
Reaching up, I do what I've wanted to do for months. I stroke my fingers along his jawline, over the rough stubble there. He freezes, words dying in his throat, and a little thrill shoots through me.
I don't trust love.
Words are just words.
