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I smile at him because he's adorable. This level of excitement over something as simple as making cookies is sweet.
Sweet is a good word for him. At work, he was reserved, but he was always so kind to me. I looked forward to his visits every day. And yes, I thought about him outside of work. I'd find myself at a store and think Jonas would love this. Despite my tight budget, I couldn't resist picking him up a bottle of puzzle glue, a funny desk calendar, or a colorful pen. He always received my gifts with such surprise, I wanted to keep doing it. Seeing that spark of joy in his face was addicting.
"All kinds. Once you understand how to follow a recipe, baking is easy."
He looks intrigued, a little crease appears between his eyes as he ponders my words. "I have never tried baking."
"We could pick up some groceries, and make them together. I think you'd be good at it. Baking is all about math."
His eyes dart between me and the mall, fingers tapping, looking torn.
"Are we doing this or what?" Nick asks from the backseat. Hiding my smile, I turn and take in our passengers. Nick, of course, looking quite impatient to get out. And Bree, Cara's sister. I've met her a few times. She's a kind person, always smiling and laughing, especially around Nick, but sometimes her smile drops and I catch glimpses of haunted eyes. She and Cara survived something awful together, but I think Bree was living through awful longer than anyone knows.
Behind them, at the very back of the van, are Declan and Zach, sitting patiently as Jonas decides what he wants to do. I love that about them. They seem content to sit here, in a rapidly filling parking lot, until Jonas is comfortable.
Jonas, staring straight ahead at the Mall, slaps his hands on the steering wheel. "We are shopping. You deserve a wedding ring, and clothes. And I would like to buy Christmas presents for everyone." A soft smile touches his lips. "Especially for Mia."
My ovaries just did a little happy dance. I'm sure of it. That has to be what that clench in my stomach was.
And a ring? I suppose I don't need one. Lots of people don't wear them. But I really want one. I want to feel like I belong. I'm sure if a feminist ever heard me say it, they would lecture me, but to me a wedding ring has meaning beyond a commitment to someone. When I imagined a man sliding a ring on my finger, it always meant that I was valued. That he saw something in me worth loving.
"Then," Jonas says, holding up a finger, "we go to the grocery store and we buy cookie-making supplies."
"Target?" Declan asks hopefully. In the rounded backseat mirror, I see Zach sit up straighter, like a dog that just heard the word 'walk', and I hide my smile. The men are looking at me while Bree sniggers into her hand.
"We could. But a large grocery store might be a better idea. Jonas's fridge is rather...bare."
Nick nods seriously. "Mine too. We should fill it with cookies."
Bree busts out laughing, and shakes her head. "If you want to fill it, you're going to have to do some of the work big guy."
He turns to her with a grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows. It should look ridiculous, but it doesn't. At least Bree doesn't see it that way, judging by the way her breath catches in her throat. She shakes it off, but I see it. I'll be watching. Something good could be starting there. It might just need a little nudge. I might be a little unsure of my own happy ending, but I’m rooting for theirs.
"I am not afraid of a little hard work my Bree," he purrs. Bree shakes her head, and lets her blonde hair fall in a waterfall, hiding her face, but I see the blush in her cheeks. She slaps her hands on her knees.
"Let's move it then. It's only going to get busier. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, and I know a bunch of men will be rolling in here today, trying to buy presents for their wives." She raises her eyebrows and turns, looking at Declan and Zach.
Declan grins, owning it. Zach smooths the collar of his shirt and carefully avoids her eyes. He may not be in a suit, but his outfit is still far from Sunday leisure wear. The rest of the men are all in some variation of track pants and sweatshirts. They look comfortable, and I envy them. I do need some clothes. The only outfits I grabbed from my apartment all those weeks ago, other than one pair of pajamas, were work outfits. I've been wearing the same things for a month, and I would really, really, like a pair of sweatpants.
It's funny what feels like luxury after you've spent some time without the simple things.
They all slide out of the back, and Jonas pushes his door open, then glares at me when I reach for the door handle, so I let my hand drop to my lap and wait for him to circle the car. Keith didn't do this. Not once. Months ago, Jonas made a point that a man should open the door for his woman. Other than realizing Jonas's intensity is hot, I didn't think much of it.
But now, as he opens my door and reaches for me, I get it. It seems like a simple thing, but it's not. It's not just a door. It's like the ring. A sign that he feels I'm important enough to take care of.
As I put my hand in his, and he gives me that look, the one that makes me forget where we are, I realize I'm in deep trouble. I fell for a man who treated me pretty well. It was a lie, but at the time, I believed it.
Jonas though? He treats me like I'm a Queen. And I think I might do anything to keep him looking at me like that. Anything, even hide who I really am. Because I have a feeling being loved by Jonas would be worth any price I have to pay.
"Are you alright?" Bree asks me, wrapping her arm through mine. I'm not ashamed to admit, I lean into her a bit, appreciating the support.
"I'm okay. I just didn't expect all of this."
She laughs, and guides me to a bench just outside the toy store the men are currently ransacking. "I know. Holly warned me, but I still wasn't really prepared."
"I thought it would be more like the club," I murmur. I was out with the women a few weeks ago at Cara's club. The men joined us, and they had this way of spreading out, so Jonas was always in the middle. I know he doesn't like being touched by random people, so I expected something similar today. And I thought Jonas would want to go to one or two stores and be done.
I was so wrong.
