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Her door cracking open makes me jump like someone set off fireworks in my apartment. I've been anticipating it for so long that having it happen scares the shit out of me. But I have myself under control as she steps out of the room.
Then I have a whole new set of problems. She's stunning, all mussed from sleep. She's wearing one of the new pajama sets we bought. A satiny shirt with matching shorts, the white fabric covered in little cherries. It's very touchable.
She's very touchable.
She tiptoes down the hallway, and I stand to meet her. The movement makes her squeak and press her hand to her chest. "Jonas. Goodness, you scared me."
I nod, because...obviously. Also, my mouth is completely dry.
I thought I was prepared for her. I thought I knew what I was going to say.
Instead, all the blood rushed away from my head. I'm afraid if I open my mouth right now, it'll sound like Daffy Duck, all stutters and spit.
"Have you been up long?" she asks. The way she plays with her hair, pulling and twisting is incredibly distracting. How do men ever speak around the women they love? How are they not babbling idiots all the time?
"Yep. I uh, didn't sleep well."
She bites her lip, and takes a deep breath. "I didn't either. I owe you an apology."
I just stare at her dumbly, and she takes a few steps closer. She's staring at my chest, and I rub it absentmindedly, realizing I don't have a shirt on. "I'm sorry. I can get dressed."
"No!... I mean. It's fine. If you're comfortable, I'm...fine." She licks her lips again, and my cock bounces. Her eyes widen, because of course she noticed the snake jumping in my pants, and she slaps her hands over her eyes.
"I'll get dressed," I yell, bolting for my bedroom.
"Me too," I hear her mumble just before I close the door.
I bounce on my toes while I stare at my pant options in my closet. Do I go for tighter, to pin the fucker down, or do I go loose and hope I can disguise any other movement? I opt for the tighter pants, which still aren't that tight, because I can't stand tight pants anyway, then throw an oversize t-shirt over top, then finally a black hoodie.
There. The damn thing won't be able to wave at Janey under all that material.
Well, he will, but she won't be able to see it and run screaming from the room.
I beat Janey to the living room and stand, still bouncing, waiting for her to appear. She reappears in a new pair of sweatpants, these ones a dark purple, and a white t-shirt. She gives me a small smile as she pulls her hair into a ponytail, making her breasts bounce.
My mouth is dry again.
Janey drops her hands to her sides, and rubs her palms down her pants. Are her hands sweating too? "Ah...about that apology. I'm sorry that I let myself stew on that saleswoman yesterday." She takes a few steps closer, and I can't stop myself from closing the distance. We're a foot apart, so she has to tilt her chin up to look at me. "I asked you to tell me when you were overwhelmed or needed something from me, but I guess I should be doing the same thing. We could have avoided that whole scene."
"That would be helpful," I admit, giving in to the urge to cup her cheek. She leans into my touch, just the tiniest bit, but it's enough. It's enough to give me hope that we'll be ok. It's enough to let me take a full breath for the first time since last night. "I've been studying your expressions for months, but I don't know all of them. I will learn, I promise. But right now, they're all jumbled up.”
The lines on her forehead crease. "A jumble?"
I nod and rub my thumb over those lines. "These. I don't know if they're here because you're upset, or confused, or angry. Logically, I could probably eliminate angry, but confused and upset are still possible. Then I have to try and figure out which one it is so I can respond the right way."
Her eyes close, and she exhales. Those lines smooth out. "God, that must be exhausting," she says, meeting my eyes. I keep the contact so I can memorize the stunning patterns of her iris. Her eyes are mostly blue, but the flecks of color around them make them look more gray. Finally, when I can’t take it anymore, I shift my gaze to her eyebrows.
"Sometimes," I say, shrugging. "It's harder with new people. But I'll learn you Janey. I'll figure out what all your faces mean. I don't —.” I wet my lips, letting my hand fall to the side of her neck. "I've made mistakes in the past that got people really upset with me. I don't want to do that with you, but I probably will. And I'm afraid you'll decide this just isn't worth it. That I'm not worth it."
Her eyes fall closed again, giving me the opportunity to look at her all I want. A single tear falls from her eye, and my heart stops. I brush it away, but another soon follows. "Janey," I whisper.
She looks at me, mouth trembling. "Jonas...I really need a hug."
I'm pulling her to me before she even finishes asking. Her arms come around my waist, and I pull her tight with one arm, and cup the back of her head with my other hand.
"Promise me," she says, pressing her forehead to my jaw. "Promise me that you'll always be this honest. Promise you won't give up on me."
I pull her even tighter and rub my cheek on the top of her head. "I promise, Janey. I will never give up on you. I won't ever stop loving you."
