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"Nick! Stop talking," she shouts, covering her eyes with her hand, the bright blue of her mitten glowing under the streetlight. "That was obviously an awful choice of words." She sighs and drops her hand. "I keep myself busy. Between my day job and working at the club, plus all my leagues, I'm gone a lot. But there's a lot of time that I've got nothing to do. Every time Cara sees me at home, she worries she should be spending time with me. Or she and Declan try to include me in everything." Her nose scrunches up. "And honestly, that's worse. Do you know how lonely it is, sitting on a couch watching a movie with two people who are so clearly in love?"
"Yeah, I do." Not gay. That's way too big a relief for this to be casual. I do not have casual feelings for this woman. I have big, complicated, scary feelings. "So, my role in all of this is?"
"You're going to do exactly what Declan asked you to do. You're going to be my friend. We'll hang out. Cara won't wonder about it too much since we're practically related. It will take the pressure off of her. Simple."
The lights of the shelter are in sight. I slow my steps even more, letting the dogs wander back at their own pace. Practically related. Fuck no, we aren't. Doesn't matter that I thought the same thing a few days ago. Now the idea of her being my sister, feeling the way I do about her, is so, so wrong. "That is what Declan asked me to do. So what are we supposed to do?"
She frowns. "I don't know. What was your plan?"
What was my plan? Whatever it was, I'm sure it was asinine. "I hadn't really gotten that far. I was just going to...run into you as much as I could. And invite you to do whatever."
"Right. Brilliant," she says flatly, a hint of humor in her eye.
"You just said you didn't have a plan!"
She laughs, heading for the back door of the shelter. "Fine, fine. So we wing it. We watch some games, we get some meals. That's probably enough of a plan for now."
I study the burnt out streetlights near us, and the sketchy fence at the back of the property, and make another split second decision. "And we come here. Anytime you come, I'll come too."
Her eyes widen. "You want to volunteer here? You don't have to. I honestly thought this would be a bit of a punishment for you, then that would be it. I didn't expect you to be such a good sport."
"What were you expecting?"
"Honestly? A lot more gagging. Your brothers don't exactly have the strongest stomachs."
She's not wrong. Most of them will dry heave just hearing someone gag. Or if they smell something weird. Or you talk about worms while they're eating spaghetti. It's actually really fucking fun most of the time.
"Nah, I'm not a gagger. Never have been."
Her eyes light up, and I'm laughing before she even says it. "That must make you real popular with the guys." She dissolves into laughter at her own joke and our chuckles carry us back into the shelter. The dogs seem ok to go into their enclosures so within a few minutes they're all settled in. I can't stop my feet from moving back to Goldie's spot.
"Is it her turn next?"
Cadence, coming in the back door, is the one that answers. "I haven't been able to get her out. I can get the leash on her, but she won't move. I keep trying though."
"Do you ever stop trying, Cadence?" I ask.
She pins me with a look that makes my body feel ten times heavier. "I believe everyone deserves a second chance. And a third. And sometimes a fourth. So no, I'll never stop trying."
"Dogs deserve second chances, maybe. People though? Some of them aren't worth it."
She tilts her head, suddenly looking a lot older. "Do you believe that if someone makes a mistake, they should be punished for it forever?"
"Sometimes, yeah." Or maybe it's that living with that mistake is the punishment.
Cadence straightens, her spine lengthening until she seems as tall as I am. "You're wrong," she says quietly, but in a tone so absolute it leaves no room for disagreement.
"Maybe dogs deserve more chances, but people? We have to live with our mistakes. There's no denying that."
"I would never want someone judging me on their worst day. And I would never, ever, judge someone based on theirs."
"Some people are pure evil, Cadence."
"Maybe. But I haven't met those people." She crosses her arms over her chest, and purses her lips. "I wonder which one of our worldviews makes for a happier life?"
20
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