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It's so stupid. I'm so wrapped up in him, smiling up at him as he tucks my hair behind my ear, his thumb rubbing against my lower lip, that I forget where we are.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Cara says, tone sharp. It cuts between Nick and I like a blade. We spring apart, and Nick's eyes shutter as she stalks forward, gripping the back of a chair with white fingers. "Why the hell are you touching her like she means something to you? And don't give me any of that friend shit. I know exactly what I saw."
He exhales heavily as he stands and turns to Cara. "Cara—“
"Don't 'Cara' me. Explain why you're touching my sister like you're fucking her? You're supposed to be her friend. She's healing asshole, and you took advantage."
Nick's face flatlines. I keep waiting for him to defend himself or to explain, but he doesn't. He can't. She's inadvertently hit on everything he doubts about himself. Cara's tearing into him about betraying her, and how awful he is, and she's sticking her finger in an old and painful wound. His face gets colder and flatter. Finally, I snap.
"Enough," I yell, rising to my feet. I move to Nick, taking his hand. Cara's eyes are locked on where we're connected. Her mouth snaps shut, and she turns sad eyes on me.
"How could you, Bree?" There's so much pain, and worry, and blame in her tone it's hard to sort it all out. But I have to. This is not how I wanted to do this, but I've been thinking about it for the last few hours, and suddenly I feel in control.
"How could I what Cara?" It's so clear to me how afraid she is. That's the only reason I'm able to speak so calmly. "Fall for a good man? Find someone who cares for me? Be happy? How could I do what? Please explain what's so wrong."
She wets her lips, looking a mix of sad and angry. "You've been through so much. You're still healing. The last thing you should be doing is dating. And Nick? He's wonderful, but he's also a man whore. He's going to move on and what will you be left with then?"
Nick tenses, and a quick glance shows a tick in his jaw. I squeeze his hand tighter and when he looks at me, I smile and give him a wink. His brows raise in surprise but it accomplishes what I hoped it would, his shoulders lower and he relaxes. When I'm satisfied that he's okay, I turn back to Cara.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I ask her quietly. She startles, so primed for a fight she doesn't know how to handle my soft words. She's been my sister my whole life, and you can bet I've learned a thing or two about how to handle her. The key is keeping her off balance, so I'm not going to get into a screaming match, which is usually the way we operate. We scream and yell, then move on, sometimes having accomplished nothing.
"You are my rock. And I know for a while, I depended on you more than I should have. I used you as an emotional security blanket. And you let me. You were always ready to drop everything for me, and I appreciate it more than you can know."
She softens, and I let go of Nick's hand, and take a few steps closer to Cara. "I'm not all the way okay. I don't know if I ever will be. But I'm not going to put my life on hold until you think I can handle a relationship. You don't get to make those kinds of decisions for me. You don't get to decide who I can or can't date, or if I'm ready."
Her eyes are glassy, and her hands are clenching, then releasing at her sides. "You looked dead," she says suddenly. Declan, standing still behind Cara, moves to wrap his hands on her shoulders, and pull her back into his body. His eyes are hard, locked on Nick. "I heard you scream...and I ran. I ran so fast, but it still felt like I was moving through Jello. It took forever. And when I got the door open and saw you, I thought you were gone." Her breath hiccups. "It was my job to keep you safe, and I failed. I didn't like him. I hated him, actually, but I didn't say anything. I was trying to let you live your life and make your own decisions, and look what happened!"
I feel Nick at my back, and give myself a minute to accept his silent comfort and collect my swirling thoughts. I'm very aware that we have an audience, but I don't want to put this off, or move somewhere private. We need to do this right here, with our family as witness. I want everything out in the open so we can wash it away, once and for all.
"I fucked up," I admit. "In the history of fuckups, mine was definitely in the top ten. I ignored every single red flag. I brushed off his behavior." I tap my chest. "I did that. Me. And it took me a long time to realize it, but I'm kind of an expert on toxic relationships now. I know what to look out for. I know what the danger signs are. And it really sucks that I had to learn them the hard way. And it sucks even more that you had to get involved in it." Cara takes a deep breath and nods. She's with me. She's listening. That's all I can ask for at the moment.
"I don't ever want to be in that situation again. I never planned on Nick. I thought he could just be my friend. I like him. I feel safe with him, so I thought that would be it. I didn't expect more. But my feelings started to change. I saw how great he is, and how caring. Every time I needed him, he was there. And my feelings changed some more." There's so much more I could say. So much more that I feel, but I need to have those conversations with Nick first. He deserves to hear the words before anyone else.
"I understand you're scared. I do. I am too. But whatever happens between me and Nick is between us. This could fizzle out next week. Or not. But that's between us. And I won't fall apart over a breakup. I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than I've ever been, despite everything that's happened. And Cara? I need you to not just see that...I need you to know that. Know it deep in your gut."
"I don't know it," she says tearfully. I nod, because that's not a surprise either. Her reaction made it pretty damn clear that she's still traumatized.
"It's okay. You don't have to get there today. But Cara...you don't get to shit all over Nick because you're terrified of losing me."
She sucks in a breath, then another one. Finally, lips tight, she turns to Nick. "Don't hurt her,” she bites out. Of course she couldn't just back off. She's incapable of it. It's one of the things I love about her.
Nick steps into my back and wraps his arm around my stomach. "I'm not going to hurt her Cara. Despite what you seem to think, I'm not playing any games here."
"And when you're ready to move on?" she challenges.
"Don't do that," he says quietly. "Don't put that shit on us. We deserve the chance to explore what's between us without you waiting for it all to fall apart." His large frame moves with his exhale. "Can you do that Cara? Give me the benefit of the doubt? I would never hurt her. I would never harm a hair on her head. And you can damn well believe that if I did, every man in this room would take action to protect her."
There's nods and fierce eyes all around the room. I lock eyes with John, finding a vow there I didn't expect to see. He hasn't been around nearly as long, but somehow I think he'd go to great lengths to protect me. I give him a small smile, and he tips his chin at me.
It's the equivalent of a smile from anyone else.
"There's other ways to hurt her," Cara says stubbornly.
"I've had my heart broken before," I remind her quietly. "That's never been something you could protect me from."
"Things are different now," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
Ransom steps forward, gaze swinging between all of us. "Cara, I know you're hurting and worried, but maybe we need to let things settle down before continuing this conversation. You need some time to process this...and so does everyone else." He turns to Nick, face carefully neutral. "Maybe we should talk. After the baby comes."
