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“Well, move your ass and get some grub.”
He pulled a chair out from the opposite side of the table and waited patiently for me to get up and join him. Once I was settled, he took the seat across from me and poured himself a glass of water then myself. He’d ordered a feast.
Chicken wings, a cheese board, crispy slices of bread, a large bowl of pasta with tomato sauce and a large bowl of chips. So many carbs, but Sam didn’t seem bothered as he dipped his bread into some melted cheese.
“I think once I became an adult, I understood why cheese is the superior food,” he commented, with a mouthful of bread and I rolled my eyes laughing a little.
“I wouldn’t know, not a big fan of cheese.”
“What?! Kimmy, you’re missing out.”
He didn’t seem at all fazed by our embrace earlier, the way he touched my skin or how we kissed each other. Friends most certainly didn’t do any of that, but then again, were we really just friends? When I raced out of the wedding and sat outside to gather my thoughts, I kept returning to Luke’s face. I felt like I was betraying him by having thoughts of another person.
But the words from my mother, her telling me that this pain would eventually fade, and I would be able to start living again, rang in my head. She was right, of course, she was right. Moms always knew best. And as I watched Sam enjoy his food, I couldn’t help but smile at how simple it all was, how much I was enjoying this moment. But something was still bugging me.
“Sam, can I ask a question?”
“Always.”
“Why um – why didn’t you take me to prom?”
He stalled. His eyes dropped from mine and the air turned a little tense as he stopped eating. I wondered if I had completely ruined the moment, but I had to know. I had to understand why and until then, I knew I wouldn’t allow myself to take the potential next step along this crazy unexpected path.
“I wanted to. I was all ready to go that night, tux on with that weird flower wrist thingy in the box and,” he stopped, appearing to swallow a lump in his throat.
“You remember my dad?”
“Vaguely. He was the coach in school, right?”
“Yeah, well, we had this deal that if I wanted to go to prom, I needed to pass some tests.”
“But, you passed all your exams.”
“They weren’t those type of tests.”
He kept his eyes lowered and didn’t lift them up to look at me. He seemed a bit uneasy, and I wondered where this conversation was going. I just thought he didn’t want to take me to prom because I wasn’t the ‘coolest’ girl in school, being as I was a bit of an ice-skating geek.
“Well, I failed one of his tests and so, I was punished. That was, however, the last night he laid a hand on me.”
My eyes widened at the sudden realization. Sam would often come to classes with a black eye, busted lip or some other injury and he would always say it was hockey practice or fighting with his mates. I never thought those injuries would be from his father. From what I remembered, the coach was always a pretty nice, chatty guy.
Reaching across the table, I took hold of his hand that rested on the edge and linked my fingers into his. His eyes rose to meet mine. They were a little glassy as if he was fighting back some tears. I didn’t move or speak, I wanted him to know I was there and I was listening.
“I couldn’t have you see me like that…and after that night, I went to live with my grandparents on my mom’s side. I left, Kim, I ran away as fast as I could and as far as I could. I left Jane to fend for herself and I tried to go back, I did, but after graduation I headed off to college and never looked back.”
When Jane died, I didn’t see Samuel at the funeral, the entire town had showed up. I looked for him, as did Crystal and a few of the others. Jane was two years below us, but had become somewhat friends with Joseph. Everyone in town knew her. She was the quiet shop clerk at the market who was hoping to become a vet one day.
“I’m sorry you felt like you could never tell me.”
“Why would I? You didn’t need that kinda baggage and I was such a dick to you in the end. I ignored you, blocked your number and just left you, in the dark, alone. Like I did Jane.”
I didn’t think twice before I pushed off my seat and went to give him the tightest hug I could muster. Not a second passed and he pulled me onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around me.
“What happened to your sister wasn’t your fault.”
Burying his head into my shoulder, I felt his heart race against my chest. I realized in that moment, he wasn’t the same guy I met back in school. He was broken and needed healing just as much as I did.
“None of what happened is your fault.”
