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Why did Beckett change his mind? Because of what they’d done last night?
“Who did you sleep with?” Miles asked.
“Strangers.”
“You don’t have a secret girlfriend right now, do you?” Miles asked.
Beckett gave him a look.
“Or a secret boyfriend?”
“No.”
“So they’ve all been strangers?”
“Yeah. But I haven’t done it in a while.”
“How long’s a while?”
“Since last October.”
“Why not?” Miles asked.
“I got tired of meaningless sex,” Beckett replied after a moment.
Miles hesitated. “Is there someone you like?”
Beckett ran a finger across the groove of the stone. “Yeah,” he said after a moment.
“You should tell her,” Miles said. “Or him. Them.”
Beckett sighed. It was barely audible, just a soft exhale between his lips, but it made Miles think that Beckett had been hung up on this person for a very long time, like it hurt, and Miles hated that.
Miles dropped the topic and, ready to move past the weird mood he had put them in, stood up. “Want to keep going?”
Beckett agreed, and Miles helped him up even though he was capable of getting up himself. It was nice to hold Beckett’s hand, even for a brief moment. It reminded Miles of the way Beckett had warmed his hands last night, and that made his stomach squirm pleasantly.
Their hike took four hours in total, and while the soles of Miles’s feet ached by the end, he didn’t mind it. The scenery was gorgeous, and the fresh air was nice. What he loved most of all, though, was Beckett’s company. Occasionally conversation would spark up between them and they’d laugh over something silly. Most of the time, though, they walked without speaking, the sound of dead leaves and branches crunching under their shoes filling the silence between them. They’d get lost in their daydreams. Miles wasn’t sure what Beckett thought about. He knew what he thought about though: his newfound knowledge regarding Beckett’s sex life.
Two or three times a month. Strangers. Miles was happy his friend was getting some, he was, but there was also another tiny sick part of him that was relieved when Beckett said he didn’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Miles had a girlfriend back in first year, but it hadn’t lasted very long. He found that a relationship meant less time studying and hanging out with his friends. Hanging out with Beckett. Since then, he put the notion of seeking a relationship out of his mind. It’d be best if he and Beckett remained single. That way they could keep hanging often and their friendship wouldn’t be compromised.
But there was the problem of Beckett’s crush. If Beckett confessed, the crush would likely return his feelings, because Beckett was practically perfect. Handsome, clever, competent, protective. Then they would go off and be in love, and Miles would be left alone.
No, he wouldn’t be alone—Beckett would never abandon him. But when Beckett got into a relationship, Miles would no longer be his number one.
If Miles got into a relationship too…
He shook his head. He couldn’t envision anyone taking Beckett’s spot as his favorite person.
It’d be better if both of them remained single, he thought once again. But that’d be selfish. He should want Beckett to be happy, to be in a loving relationship. It was what he deserved, because Beckett deserved the best. He was the best person Miles knew.
*
They were halfway through making dinner when it started raining. To be fair, they’d started cooking late; it was late afternoon when they finished their hike, and afterwards they’d rested at the campsite for a while, sipping on tea and talking before waiting in line to shower.
Raindrops pattered against the gazebo, lightly at first, like the rain was flirting with them. They finished cooking their pasta and scooped it into two bowls.
Then the rain got angry, pounding against the tarp. Gusts of wind made raindrops fly sideways under their gazebo, spraying their faces.
