AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Stop it. I was shy, okay?”
“Shy?” I echo. “Come on. You were the coolest guy in our year level. In the whole school, even.”
He turns away, and I laugh as I return my focus to his hair.
“You can’t deny it, can you?” I ask.
He’s quiet for a moment. “I couldn’t wait to graduate.”
I didn’t know that. I thought Lucas loved high school. I thought he loved it way more than I did. My fingers catch on a snag in his hair, and he winces slightly.
“Sorry,” I say, quickly pulling away.
“No, it’s okay. Keep doing that. Please,” he adds.
We sit in silence for a few minutes. Occasionally, Lucas moves the spoon around the empty bowl, producing a few clinking noises, but mostly, he stays still.
This is one of the few times I can see the pale line of his scalp. He’s sitting between my legs, and my knees are brushing against his shoulders. It feels like we’re kids again.
One time, in primary school, Jemima demanded that Lucas let her braid his hair. I watched Jemima touch his fluffy copper head for thirty seconds before I pushed her out of the way and took her place.
“Lucas?” My voice is slightly raspy from not talking.
“Yes?”
“Why did you tell that girl at the party that you were taken?”
“You heard that?”
“Yeah.”
He plays with the spoon again. Clink.
“Why did you tell her that?” I prompt when he doesn’t reply.
His voice is so soft, it’s almost inaudible. “You know why, Charlie.”
I swallow. I’m glad he can’t see my expression right now.
“You know,” I begin slowly, “when you do get a boyfriend, it’s going to be hard for him. It’s going to hurt, constantly watching you get hit on. And it’s going to hurt, feeling people watching him. Thinking that he’s not good enough. That he isn’t…attractive enough. If you walk down the street with him, everyone’s going to think he’s a charity case. If you hold his hand, people will think that you’re insane. That you’re blind.”
Lucas’s shoulders, previously relaxed against my legs, now raise into a stiff, straight line. “I don’t care what people think. Why would I give a second thought to what strangers think of me? They’ll be the blind ones, judging without even knowing us.”
“Everyone wants you,” I say helplessly.
“I don’t want them. You know who I want.”
“People will try to steal you.”
“They’ll fail.”
“I don’t even know what you see in me.”
Lucas turns around. His brows are furrowed, mouth twisted like I’ve said something horrible. “How can you say that?” he demands.
“Because it’s the truth.” Sure, I’ve spent all this time after Cleo left trying to feel better, and I do feel better, and I do like myself, I do. I just can’t comprehend how Lucas likes me as much as he does.
I’ve loved you this entire time.
