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“I’m aware of that,” I say. “And I would never expect you to let go of it easily.”
She huffs. “So, where does that leave us, Mr. Keaton?”
She always calls me that when she’s trying to challenge me. I can’t say I hate it, but right now, it feels like being pushed into a corner I never wanted to be in.
Yet, I’m the idiot who brought myself here. I was the one who whisked her away to a tropical island, thinking I could change her mind by making her mine. I should have known that a woman like Madison doesn’t work like that. I wouldn’t be this enthralled by her, if she was this easy to conquer.
“I guess we will have to see when we get back to California,” I say, raising my glass to her. “How about we let future-Chase and future-Madison worry about that?”
My attempt at deflecting impresses her just as little as Aston, when I spoke to him on the phone. She doesn’t look convinced, and instead of reaching for her flute to clink glasses with me, she leans forward, supporting herself on her elbows as she pins me down with an intense stare.
“Future-Chase and future-Madison are not as far away as you’d like them to be,” she adds for consideration. “In fact, they are less than 24 hours away from who we are right now, Chase. I think we should really talk about this, and we should talk about it now.”
I glare at her. “Do you always have to be so fucking rational?”
I can’t believe I just said that. That’s exactly the kind of thing I have been accused of by others many, many times before. And it’s true that I was always the one who lost his patience, when others would base their decisions and actions purely on emotions.
And now I’m the one asking to be dumb and irrational? What the fuck is she doing to me?
My words hurt her. I can tell in the way her face derails, as if I’d just punched her in the gut. Her shoulders slump, as if all vital energy was leaving her body, after I pulled the plug on her.
Fuck.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to—”
“Yeah, you did,” she whispers. “You meant it. Just like everyone else who’s said it to me before.”
She clears her throat in an effort to compose herself, but the pain is still apparent in her expression. “I’m so sick of men telling me how to act, or how to feel! I’m so sick of it!”
“Mad—”
“It’s either ‘don’t lose your temper’, or ‘Oh, Madison, don’t be so emotional’. And when I’m trying to be smart and sensible, I’m accused of being ‘too cold’ and ‘too damn rational’. Madison, the fucking ice queen…”
Her lips are trembling, while she starts fidgeting with her fingers in her lap, unwilling—or unable—to look at me.
“You have no fucking idea how hard it is to deal with you assholes all day long! To have to prove yourself again and again, because everybody thinks you’re just a stupid little girl, and then…” Her shoulders slump as she deflates in defeat, before her tear-filled eyes find mine. “And then, you sit here and practically tell me to be a stupid little girl, just throw caution to the wind and play along with your stupid game… or whatever this is.”
I swallow dryly, pained by the realization that she thinks this is nothing but a game for me.
Because I know that’s no longer what this is. I can’t deny it any longer.
I’m fucked beyond belief, and I can’t stand the fact that she’s hurt by my actions—even though it shouldn’t surprise me. I have been playing with her, that’s what started all of this.
However, I didn’t expect things to become this complicated this fast. I didn’t expect to catch these conflicting feelings for her.
“Madison, I really—”
“Stop it. I don’t wanna hear it,” she cuts me off, by raising her hand. And even in the soft light I can tell that there are tears pearling in her eyes.
Fuck, fuck. Fuck!
“I… I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I force myself to say, hoping that she notices the gravity of my words. “I just thought, we could—”
“Fine then, let’s just be fucking idiots,” she cuts me off, before her voice breaks.
Her hand flies up to her trembling lips, and no words can describe the pain that soars through me, as I watch her trying to keep it together.
She tries to push me away when I jump up from my seat to comfort her, but I persist, going down on my knees next to her, while I search for her hand in her lap, while I place my other arm around her shoulders.
