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"Well, they aren't a couple," I said.
I wasn't lying though; neither had actually opened up to each other about their real feelings. I had given Olivia the tickets earlier that day as an opportunity to get her to become more serious about this relationship, or her career. I assumed that maybe Ben had already told her his feelings, and she was having trouble deciding. But to think this would happen to her…
I wasn't a psychologist, but I know this accident had already caused her to make up her mind. The problem was, would her decision end up being the right one?
"It's a shame; they seem really good together," Martha sighed.
"I haven't seen both of them working together, so I'll just take your word for it," I said as I concluded the vitals check.
Everything was stable. It looked like she would wake up sooner than expected. I stared at her chest, and pardon me, but her breasts seemed to have gotten bigger than the last time I saw them.
There's this saying: if the person who loved you rubbed your breasts, they got bigger. Now, I don't know if that's true, and my brother was testing the theory, but medically, a woman's breasts only get bigger if she's ovulating or…
Oh no…he couldn't be that careless, could he?
"Martha, I want you to run a pregnancy test," I said.
Olivia
They say when you're on the verge of death, you see your life flash before your eyes. I didn't think they were kidding. Moments after I was knocked out, I heard Jason calling after me and apologizing. I didn't care about his empty apologies; I was just worried about how much trouble this would cost Ben and Chloe.
Isn't that what my life had been about? Just being a constant burden to everyone.
For a Stickler like my mom, the amount of pain she had to endure. I remember Grandma saying she didn’t move a lot because of pain. Then with a weak body like hers, she had to give birth. I was supposed to be proof of the love between her and Dad. But I ended up being the death knell that made them part. I was a burden to her womb and her life.
My father probably had other plans in life, but he dedicated it to smiling and living for my sake. He smiled so much, when in reality, I was actually causing him to suffer. I was his emotional burden. He never showed it, but maybe a part of him regretted having me. I stole the love of his life by simply being born; and he gave up his own life to make sure I grew up comfortable and safe.
Then there was Jason. Why didn't I see the signs that he wasn't ready for a child? I had originally told him I wasn't ready, either, but instead of aborting the child and allowing our relationship to become stable enough to father a child and take care of a wife, I chose to have it
I was a burden on his dreams. If I had been a little more patient, things would have been different. Aborting? Was that really a good option? Then came Sophia. I didn't want to say this, but if knew she was going to end up late, maybe…
No..
I'll never regret giving birth to Sophia, but I still couldn't do anything about her health.
What kind of nurse was I if I could save everyone else but my own daughter? Did I actually deserve to be called her mother? I was just a burden - giving her a short-lived life. Now, I'm involved with Ben and his innocent daughter. Jason is stalking me and even if it was an accident, he injured me. This couldn't get any better or worse.
It really sucked.
When he said he knew where Chloe schooled, I worried for her safety. Then all those things he said about Ben's feelings for me. I hated the fact that he almost made me believe them. Not almost… I did believe them.
I was creating a picture of our perfect family life together. I had never stopped to actually consider if what I felt was the same thing Ben felt. But I could be wrong… the way he touched me, the kisses, how he welcomed me easily into his family…how his siblings and even his mother treated me…
Wasn't that proof enough? Why was I almost convinced that he saw me as a convenient babysitter? The questions that continued rattling around in my mind - even when I was physically unconscious - continued to drag on, and there was no stopping it.
I needed to leave. I needed to stop involving myself with people who cared about me and just focus on my career. That way I would hurt people less and cause less of a burden, one they didn't even ask for. And I won't end up building false fantasies, such as replacing an innocent child with a mental image of my daughter, when she needs a woman who would genuinely love her as a daughter.
It hurt. The pain was supposed to remain in my head, but my heart felt like it was being twisted beyond recognition. I didn't want to leave them. But maybe… maybe if I used my career as an excuse. No, it's not an excuse. I had always wanted to visit the children's hospital in Maryland. I needed the experience too.
Yeah… this is a good thing. I just wanted to improve myself.
Chapter nineteen
The News and Her Decision
Ethan
"Don't tell anyone the result of this test," I warned Martha.
