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A hundred other questions crowd my mind. Am I not good enough? Did I do something that lead her to believe I’d be a bad father? Have I done anything that would make her think I’d be a good father? What would life be like with a little one running around? Is it a boy or a girl? What will Blair be like as a mother?
With effort, I quiet the overwhelming chatter and try to focus on her tired face.
“Yes,” she answers shortly.
After a beat, I nod. There’s nothing else left to say then. Blair digs around in her purse and pulls out a packet of estate papers, red marks already made in some sections, and small tabs designating where she needs my input.
On autopilot now, I lean in and let her exhausted voice wash over me as she talks about the next steps.
But a small part of me can’t help but rewind the last few minutes, focusing on Blair’s response. There’s a discrepancy between what she told me and the desperate look on her face.
Something isn’t right. I can’t push her, not now, and try instead to slow the ache in my heart. After years of living life comfortably on my own, I now know without a doubt that I want Blair Morrison in my life.
But evidently,shedoesn’t wantme.
Chapter 15
Blair
Thebathroomtilesarecold on my bare knees.
I can feel the slit of my skirt dangerously close to revealing my panties, and my toes hurt in my heels from the awkward angle of kneeling over the toilet. For a moment, I pull back and take a breath.
I’ve been throwing up in here for the last half hour. A rumble goes through my body and I tense, waiting. When I don’t start dry heaving again, I sigh in relief and slouch forward.
The last week of my life has been pure hell. Despite the medication the ER doctor put me on, which my regular doctor agreed to continue, nothing wants to stay down. I’m already over it. But I made a choice, and it’s one I fully intend to stick to.
Pressing my lips together, I run a hand over my belly.You’re mine, I think, ignoring the throbbing ache of the future Icouldhave if I was okay with destroying the lives of several people. If I was okay with getting Nick cut off from his father, his business, his way of life.
No, this was the right decision.
Just me and the baby. That is, if I don’t die from exhaustion and stomach cramps.
There’s a light knock on the stall door and I get to my feet quickly, heels clicking. “Yes?”
“Blair? Are you okay, hon?”
The voice is hesitant, but I recognize it. Harriet. I’ve noticed her looking at me quizzically now and then from across the office. When she’d tried to nudge me in the direction of what was quite obviously a pregnancy, I had pushed back and told her there was no way.
Opening the door, I give her a weak smile.
“Yes, I’m okay. Sorry. I’m probably scaring everyone off.”
She laughs lightly and clutches her purse closer. “No, no. You’re fine. It’s not as if there’s never been a pregnant woman at the firm before.”
There are unspoken words between us as we both acknowledge that though she’s right, it’s rare. And especially with women who are in my position, fighting for another step up the ladder. They usually have kids early on in their careers and get it out of the way. Or they never have kids at all.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Harriet asks, squinting as she looks me over.
Suddenly, my eyes fill with tears, to my complete mortification. I’ve worked so hard at the firm that no one really knows much about my private life. And what would there be to tell? When I’m not here, I’m lying low at home, binge-watching TV shows or exercising.
“Yeah.” My voice breaks and I laugh shakily. “Yeah, I just… wasn’t expecting this.”
Harriet smiles kindly and takes my arm, leading me over near the sinks. She digs around in her purse for a moment before handing me a small hard candy. I look at her questioningly.
“Ginger,” she explains. “Helps settle the stomach. It was the only thing that worked for me. If you don’t mind me asking, Blair… are you doing this alone?”
I can only manage a nod, my throat tightening around the truth: that I don’t have a choice. No parents, no siblings. I don’t even have distant family I can reach out to.
