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Blair’s eyes are glued to the little screen. I stare at her, and then at the image—a tiny peanut. We hear the heartbeat and I find myself getting choked up.
The tech talks measurements and happily chats away as Blair and I sit in stunned silence. Her cheeks go pink. Now, unable to help myself, I reach out and graze her fingers with mine. She startles at first at my touch but then gives me a small smile.
After about ten minutes the tech wraps things up, assuring us that everything looks as it should.
“We’ll want to see you again at around eighteen weeks to make sure the baby’s development looks good, okay? Our front desk can make that appointment for you.”
The tech clicks a few buttons and a printer shoots out black and gray images. My heart seizes as I realize what they are. Blair takes them carefully, lips parted, and the tech excuses herself from the room.
“Is that…?”
Blair’s eyes come up from the photos. She nods mutely, emotion spilling over, but tucks them away in her purse.
“It’s probably better if…”
I swallow. Nod. I know what she wants to say:If you don’t look. So, you don’t get attached.
“I’m sorry,” she says, her eyes flicking away.
Another nod and I stand, help her up, and look away as she adjusts her clothing. We walk out to the front desk side by side, but I couldn’t feel further away from her right now.
“I’ll wait out front.”
Outside, I busy myself with pulling the car up to the curb and opening the door for her. Then I pace, short steps back and forth, letting the frustration and desperation roll off me like smoke. Taking deep breaths, I tell myself, “This is about her, not you.”
She needed help today. She needed someone. Maybe someday, when she’s ready, she’ll ask for me again. Maybe she’ll want or need more support and if that happens, I’ll be there, waiting.
The door opens and Blair steps out into the early afternoon, breathing a tired sigh of relief. She’s still a little pale but looks better overall. I close the car door gently behind her.
The first few minutes of the car ride are awkward. The gravity of the situation sits between us, heavy. Blair is pregnant with my child and she doesn’t want me involved.
“Did you ever want kids?” she blurts out, startling me.
I shoot her a glance. “I… yes.” The truth spills out of me. I can’t remember ever having spoken to anyone about kids, not since my ex. “Yeah, once upon a time, I thought I’d settle down and have kids.” I shrug. “But I’m getting a little old for it now, so…”
Blair’s smile warms me as her eyes flick down my body quickly. There’s a glint of something, a hint of the attraction we felt for one another, but she locks it back down.
“At least you’ve got Scarlett and Aimee.”
I can’t help grinning at the thought of my nieces. “True. But I don’t think it’s quite the same.”
The silence settles in again, Blair frowning and staring out through the windshield as we get closer to her apartment. A few times she opens her mouth, then closes it. Warning bells go off in my head. Something isn’t quite right. And it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to talk about it, whatever it is.
Should I ask? Push the boundary she’s put up between us?
Or let it go? In hopes that she’ll let me in at some point.
I pull up outside of her building. She starts to open the car door, but my hand goes to her thigh—then I pull it back, as if burned.
“Blair, I just want to tell you… again. I think I’ve made it clear how I feel but I want to say it again.” I lock eyes with her, trying to gauge the emotion in hers. I just can’t figure out what emotional storm she’s dealing with inside. “We didn’t plan this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. That being said,” I hold a hand up as she opens her mouth, “I’m going to respect your decision to do this on your own. You’re not alone, though, if you don’t want to be.”
They’re hard words to say.
Blair’s gaze goes glassy again and she nods, giving me a small smile. She looks at me for a few seconds longer than is comfortable and I sense again that she wants to say something but is either afraid to or doesn’t know how to get the words out.
“Thank you,” she finally says.
And with that, she pushes the door open, hurries across the street, and looks back only when she gets to the door to her building.
