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“Sweaty.”
“Gotcha.” I awkwardly sit back down and gesture to her drink. “Got you a latte.”
To her credit, Caroline doesn’tlookmad at me. She just isn’t meeting my gaze. That was enough to get my heart racing.
She sits in the chair across from me and picks up the latte, looking at it as if she’s discovering a fossil for the first time.
“Two pumps vanilla, one of caramel, sprinkle of cinnamon.” I know her order like the back of my hand. I force a grin. “Plus an extra shot.”
The corners of Caroline’s mouth twitch up. “I’m on a diet, but…”
Shit, shit, shit.“I knew that. I’m sorry. I can get you something else. What do you want? Iced americano? Cold brew? Extra-large? Anything, I got it –‘’ I start to get up, racing for my purse, dreading having to spend another seven dollars on a drink, but I know it’s the least I can do.
Caroline laughs, “I was going to say, since there’s an extra shot, I’ll drink it this time.”
I breathe a sigh of relief.
Caroline swirls the straw around, kicking up the syrupy bottom, then takes a long sip. Her eyes roll back. A good latte can be better than sex. “Mmm… thank you, Jude.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
Caroline continues to errantly swirl her straw as she considers what to say.
I’ve practiced my defense for the past few days a million times. However, as it goes with things like this, the second I’m actually tasked with saying those things, I’ve forgotten every word in the English language.
“I just wish you’d told me,” she says softly.
When Caroline is sad, she looks like a five-year-old who might burst into tears if you’re not careful. I’d rather her be sad than angry at me, but it still breaks my heart.
At least when she’s sad, I can hopefully make her feel better.
“I know, Caroline. Me too.”
“Why, though? I mean, I understand why Chase didn’t. You know, he’s not really open with his emotions and it’s rare that he talks about his girlfriends with me.”
That’s an understatement. After writing that contract with Chase, I learned he’s even more of a robot than I thought. A sexy robot with hair that looks so perfect and plasticky it could have been ripped off a Ken doll.
Jude, stop it. Contractually, it was made clear that any intimacy would just be performative. Kisses on the cheeks, occasional hugs and hand holding, and, should we need to kiss on the lips,no tongue whatsoever.
I shouldn’t be daydreaming about those close-lipped kisses but –
“But, you, Jude… well, I didn’t expect that from you.”
I sigh and gently shake away the intrusive thoughts of Chase’s lips. “I understand. I’m sorry. There’s no good excuse. The longer I went without telling you, the harder it became to even consider how I would and then… well, you know, one thing led to another with Gram and –”
“I have to hand it to you, that was a bold way to just come out with it. I don’t know if I would have been that ballsy.”
More than you know, Caroline. More than you could possibly know. “We didn’t know what it was for so long. And we would have hated to get everyone involved only for it to blow up and then make things awkward. You know how that can be.”
Caroline snorts. “Do I ever.”
I chew on the corner of my lower lip. “You have every right to be mad at me. I just hope that –”
“Oh, Jude, I’m not mad,” she sighs. “I’m disappointed I didn’t know until now.” A smile creeps over her lips. “But you have no idea how happy I am that you’re going to be a part of the family.” She reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Like a real, fully-fledged part of the Gladstone clan.”
Her touch makes me nauseous. I’m caught in a double lie. She thinks she’s been betrayed one way, but she’s really being betrayed another.
Why am I doing this to my best friend?
