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“I understand if you want to call this whole thing off,” I say softly.
“What are you talking about?”
I close my eyes. “I don’t know if I can fulfill my end of the bargain. Because of my… my…”
“I meant what I said. That’s not something in our control. If we had actually fallen in love, no one would have batted an eye if we couldn’t conceive,” Chase says.
That alleviates the burden on my heart and also breaks it.
“We’ll… we can figure out.”
“Okay.” My voice trembles.No crying, Jude. Not in front of him.
Finally, Chase starts the car. “Let me take you home.”
On the drive, Chase asks if he should stop at a drugstore in case I need anything. I refuse. I just want to go home. Be alone. Have him as far away from me as possible.
But that’s not totally true. What I want is Chase from the night of our engagement to come back. The one who called me beautiful and seemed to be so hypnotized by every single thing I did. The one that made me feel like the only woman he ever wanted.
He’s in there somewhere, isn’t he?
When he pulls up to my house, I’m ready to leap out and run inside.
However, Chase speaks before I can. “Does it happen a lot? A flare like this?”
“Lately, more so. I haven’t been able to get my treatments since I lost my insurance.”
Chase raises his eyebrows and smiles broadly. “I’ll pay for them.”
“No, that’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not, you’re – you’ve got –” He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “You need help. If I can give that to you, I want to.”
“Insulin is expensive.”
“Since when has money ever been an issue with me?”
Do not melt, Jude. This has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the way he lives his life. The way he can throw money around without batting an eye.“I don’t want to ask you to do that.”
“You don’t have to. I’m doing it.”
“I –“
“This isn’t up for discussion, Jude.” The firmness in his voice is both powerful and tender. I can almost feel the man he was in my bed with me. Inside me. Aching to be a part of me. “And I owe you the deepest apology for even suggesting you do something with your body that –” He stops and shakes his head. “You know that’s not what I believe.”
“I do now.”
We exchange a small smile. My heart breaks. It shouldn’t be this hard so fast. It’s only going to get harder from here. “This has been a lot really fast,” I say softly.
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
I laugh. A couple of tears fall from my eyes. I wipe them away as quickly as I can, hoping he hasn’t witnessed them, although I’m not sure I’m successful. “And I can’t continue to wear this ring, it hurts.”
“Give it to me. I’ll get it resized.”
I wriggle the thing off my ring finger and put it into his hand, the tiny loop fitting perfectly into his palm. He closes his hand around it. A magic trick. A disappearance.
“I need some time to think,” I say.
