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“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I turn around to find Caroline stomping toward me, Jude’s bountiful bouquet in her hand, full of lilies and white roses. “Caroline, please, let me explain.”
Caroline’s mouth curls up tighter like a bulldog. Once she’s in striking distance, she takes the ginormous bouquet and swings it at me, batting my shoulders one by one, my stomach, anything she can reach that won’t cause a concussion or maim my manhood. “You – fucking – asshole!”
“Caroline, stop! Watch where you swing that – OW!” Bouquets are no joke. That thing must be like twenty pounds.
She throws the bouquet to the ground and lets out a screech that could put a banshee to shame. “Start. Talking.”
I swallow. “You were there when Gram gave the ultimatum. You know what I was up against.”
“So, you and Judeweren’tdating?”
“…no.”
Her hands clench into fists. “How the hell did –”
“It was Jude’s idea.”
“Ha! Likely story.”
“Itwas!” my voice upglides with desperation. “She pulled that whole dating thing out of her ass on the spot. I swear. You can…” I gesture with the veil and then sigh. “Can ask her yourself.”
Caroline crosses her arms over her chest and leans into her hip, snarl still quite clear on her lips. “And you agreed? I find that hard to believe.”
I sigh. “We had a deal,” I explain the entire breakdown of everything to her. Jude losing her job, her need for her medical expenses to be covered, my need to fulfill Gram’s obligation, the contract that we both signed and the five-year commitment we gave each other. “What neither of us accounted for was… there’s something real between us.”
“So why didn’t you just marry her? You didn’t have to embarrass her.”
“Why are you so mad at me when I’m not the only one at fault for this?”
Caroline throws her arms up. “Because you’re my big brother! You’re supposed to be smarter than us! Not because you’re a man but because you’re supposed to protect us! You’re older! You should be fucking wiser! But you’re a moron!”
“I wasn’t alone in this, I was –”
“Jude is sensitive, Chase. I told you that.”
“So am I!” So fucking sensitive. And no one has ever seen it. Because I’ve got a stiff upper lip and if I haven’t gotten enough sleep, I have resting bitch face for the whole day. Because I have to be a leader. Because I’m a man.
No one ever lets me be small. Trembling and imperfect.
Except for Jude.
“Well, you didn’t just get rejected in front of a hundred people on what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life.” Caroline stops and laughs. A dark, humorless laugh. “I guess it never would have been for either of you, though. Seeing as you made it all up.”
I stare at my sister for a while. Watch her process everything that’s happened as the first wave of her anger dissipates. Her lower lip pooches out and her eyes grow wet. “Caroline, don’t cry.”
“I was so happy for you guys,” she says. One blink and she’s done for. Trails of tears stream down her cheeks. “I was – I understood it. I could see it. Turns out you were just really good actors.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Caroline. I wasn’t acting. Not anymore. I…” I run my hand through my hair. It’s wet as if I’ve just dunked myself in a pool. The heat, the stress, the running, everything is compounding to make me a drowned rat. “I care about her. I love her.”
Caroline shakes her head.
“Did you hear me, Caroline? I love her.”
“Jude is right. You don’t do things like that to the people you love.”
I lower my eyes.
