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I hate to admit it, but I don’t want Cora to go.
She is beautiful and intelligent, and I can feel myself dangerously growing closer to her even though I didn’t want to. I can see the way she is looking at me as well and I’m not sure if that’s an idea that I want to entertain. If she gets some kind of hope that we’re going to have that kind of relationship, I’m going to have to let her down.
I’m afraid of losing someone else like I had like my mate. I know that Cora is a she-bear, and no doubt can take care of herself, but it still scares me to let anybody in. If I let her in, I’m at risk of losing everything that I have built around my heart. I know that my words hurt her when I admitted that I wanted her to leave when she is ready, but it’s been two weeks since she officially woke up. I know that girls heal a little slower, but this seems a bit strange.
It makes me wonder if I had missed something.
I’ve been keeping an eye on her and sometimes, she looks like she is doing well, and at other times, it’s like she has been injured all over again. It makes me wonder if she is lying or something, making me purse my lips because I have no idea why she would act like this. It makes me wonder if she is trying to feign sickness to stay here with me. It’s a little admirable, I must admit, but she is most definitely not an actor.
I shake my head when I see her trying to carry the wood and help me. I have continuously told her that she doesn’t need to help me, but she continues to ignore me. It’s a bit cute when I see her huffing and puffing as she carries pile after pile. It’s funny how she thinks that is going to make her look weak when it’s just showing me that she is gaining her strength back.
I just let her because it is a little nice to have some company. Ever since I lost Emily, nothing has been the same. I have been used to being alone because it was the easiest way to not get hurt. If you don’t let anyone in, you’re not going to lose them. I know it is stupid reasoning because you can lose someone even if they are not by your side, but I don’t want to think about that. I just want to know that I’m not going to be the reason why I lost them.
It’s this irrational fear of mine that I’m going to lose someone no matter what I do. It is quite stupid, I do know that because it was the Clan’s fault that Emily died, but there’s no one out here to hurt Cora. From my understanding, she had run away from her own Clan because of what they were doing to her, but it’s crazy to think that they would put her on the brink of death just because she didn’t want to mate with someone. It was honestly a little stupid if you ask me.
Those barbaric laws went away a long time ago because we all know you can’t force anyone to love someone. I know that for a fact, and I would never hurt someone just because they ended up not being my one true love. You should be able to decline a mate proposal if your ideals don’t align. You shouldn’t have to worry about being killed in the process.
She basically told me that the bear had orchestrated the entire attack on her after she publicly rejected and humiliated him. It’s not like she was trying to do that, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He just kept getting more and more agitated every time that she kept trying to explain to him that it wasn’t going to work out between them. He wanted a submissive mate and that’s something that she would never be able to be. I understood what she meant but it did piss me off a little bit that she could be treated so harshly for absolutely no reason.
“Why do you keep staring at me?” Cora asks me, raising an eyebrow as she gives me that look that tells me I have been staring for too long.
I just look away, not letting her get an inch, “sorry. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was just thinking about a few things.”
“About what?” She asks me curiously now.
“How your Clan were stupid for hurting you just because you didn’t want to mate with that man.” I explain, shaking my head, “it’s so old school and barbaric. I swear I would just go in there and slaughter them myself I had the chance.”
“Is that what you meant when you said you didn’t want anyone else’s blood on your hands?” She whispers, making my head jerk up because I didn’t know she had heard me.
I look away from her because I don’t need to see her pity right now, “I lost my mate because my Clan Leader was pissed that she was pregnant. She was only human. She didn’t stand a chance.”
She gasps softly, eyes widening in horror, “what the hell? How could they do that?”
I smile sadly, “yeah, and I hadn’t been there to protect her because I had trusted them. I ended up slaughtering everyone who had to do with her death except for the Clan Leader. I fled and became a Rogue before he could get to me as well.”
I see the tears in her eyes, making my heart ache, “that is so terrible, Beorn. I don’t know how they could do that to you. You didn’t deserve it.”
I nod because I do get that, but it doesn’t matter, “yeah, you’re right. I’m thirty-three years old and I have nothing. I’m sure I’ll die one day and then I will reunite with her. That’s the day I look forward to.”
Cora’s jaw clenches with frustration, “are you sure that is a good idea?”
I look up at her in confusion, wondering what she is talking about, “what do you mean?”
“I mean,” She draws in a deep breath, “I don’t know your mate, but wouldn’t she want you to be happy and move on. From what you’re telling me, it wasn’t your fault that she had died and I’m sure she would just want you to move on a be happy.”
“I don’t want to be happy without her.” I disagree, seeing her expression fall, “I don’t know if I can even bring myself to love anyone else so that’s why I don’t try, Cora. I don’t want to love someone else because I don’t want to lose them like I lost her. I don’t know if my heart would be able to take it. I think I could actually die if I didn’t try and move on in my own life by myself.”
Cora fiercely shakes her head, “no! I highly doubt she would want this.”
I look away, not wanting to give in to her, “I understand what you mean but it’s quite frankly none of your business, Cora. I don’t intend on having another mate so just get it out of your mind and go away once you’re healed. I’m not going to change my mind.”
It needed to be said so I quickly walked away from her, not wanting to see the hurt on her face. I know I’m hurting her, and it hurts me to know that, but I just have to tell her how it is. Nothing is going to come from us being together besides pain because I don’t know if I would be able to love her…
She’s not Emily…
She will be gone soon enough, that relaxes me a little bit.
ChapterSix
