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‘You’renot,’ he replies fiercely. ‘It’s me. It’s not you. It’s never you.’ He pauses and I wish I could just climb through the phone and be there beside him, touch him, hug him. ‘I just need some time.’
Scrubbing my hand over my face, I force myself to take a breath. ‘Of course. Take all the time you need.’
It’s not what I want to say, or what I want to hear, but I have no idea how to navigate this situation; how to tell him I want more than what we have right now, without adding to the pressure he’s already feeling.
I bite my tongue, waiting for him to speak again.
‘Not long,’ Gabriel replies after a moment. ‘I just need to figure out how to tell Papa . . . and then everything else can come after.’ He pauses. ‘Can we still hang out tomorrow?’
‘Of course,’ I say. ‘I’ll text you the plan. I hope you’re not too sore in the morning.’
‘I’ll be okay,’ he says. ‘Good night.’
‘Good night,’ I say. I wait for him to hang up, but it doesn’t come. I don’t hang up either.
‘Are we really doing this?’ Gabriel says sleepily on the other end.
I yawn. ‘Guess we are.’
There’s no way to know who falls asleep first, but I’m ninety per cent sure it’s Gabriel.
24
Noah
My mother texts me back.
I didn’t think you still had this number. It’s good to hear from you.
I sit up in bed, barely believing what I’ve just read. She’d sent the message just after 7 am. It’s now almost nine. I read over it twice, three times, before it sinks in.
My fingers shake as I type,Where are you?
I wait for the response for fifteen minutes and then realise I can’t spend my day waiting for my phone to buzz. So, I make coffee. Eat breakfast. The laundry’s overflowing, so I put on a load before grabbing my joggers and Sadie’s leash.
Making sure the door is locked when I leave, we walk towards Carlton Gardens. I say walk, but Sadie is a nightmare on the leash: lurching forward in excitement before stopping to sniff an electricity pole, darting around when she catches sight of a bird on a fence, or a lizard in a garden bed.
In Carlton Gardens, cockatoos graze on the yellowing grass under the shade of old English oaks; a group of women and their babies meet on a patchwork of picnic blankets; and I hear the unmistakeable sound of a ball hitting a racquet as two people play tennis on a bright green court on the other side of the gardens. As Sadie and I near the large fountain in the middle of the park, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and feel my heart rise into my throat. Mum’s texted me back.
I’m in Albury. Working at the hospital. Did you make it to Melbourne?
Albury is only three hours away on the train. If I wanted to, I could buy a ticket this afternoon and be there by tonight.
I take Sadie to the dog park and let her off the leash. A labrador bounds towards her and they take off, zooming around the park after each other.
Yes, I’m in Melbourne. Iwant to see you. Icould book a ticket to Albury and—
Gabriel.
I’d promised him the ‘Noah experience’, and there’s still so much left of the Open. I want to be there for him every step of the way.
I look down at my text message and delete a few words.
Yes, I’m in Melbourne. Iwant to see you. Icould book a ticket to Albury sometime soon.
Mum texts me back instantly.I’m planning to come down to Melbourne this weekend.
Delight surges through me. After so long, I’m going to see Mum again. I’m going to hug her and she’s going to smell exactly like Chanel Nº5 and that fresh Rexona deodorant she always buys.
