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Not at her, but at the man. He should have given more. If you had a woman like Evie in your life for ten years, why wouldn’t you give more? Why wouldn’t you do what you could to keep her?
He shoved the thought aside as soon as it entered his mind. Nice of him to judge, since he had no intention of keeping Evie. But that was about him, not her.
“He made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and honestly, I mainly stayed with him out of habit. I didn’t love him. But the way he treated me still changed me, and I hate that. I hate it. I never even got to know what I liked in bed, or what I liked in men because I tied myself to Jason when I was seventeen and stayed.”
“You don’t seem like the kind of person to accept blah, Evie, I have to say. Look at how accomplished you are in your job.”
“I know. But I think that’s partly why. My work was what I really loved. I wanted to be successful and I sort of thought, great, personal life sorted, and onto the main event. But he…he hated it all. Not right at first, because he sure loved the money. But he said it marginalized him. To have a girlfriend who was so much more successful.”
“What did he want from you?”
“Honestly? I think he wanted out, but like me wasn’t willing to make the move. Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit. Maybe he wanted me to quit working, be his stay-at-home housewife while he spent the money I already made. Either way, he ended up cheating on me…and blaming me. But it was the best thing that ever happened to me really.”
“When was that?”
“Six months ago. And when I saw you…well, I thought it was the perfect chance to explore some of what I’d missed. To figure out who I am apart from Jason, who is afraid of oral sex.”
“What?”
“Oh, not of me giving it to him. But he sure as hell never wanted to do it for me. Though, he did it for her. Bastard.”
“Some men do not deserve for women—foranyone—to give them free rein over their naked bodies. You have to respect a gift like that. Cherish it. Bend it over a desk in the office.”
She laughed. “I love that about you.”
The L-word on her lips made his chest do something weird and tight. “What?”
“That you’re this total playboy, and you own it. But that you do, you respect the gift. You’ve never taken advantage of me. You always make sure I’m satisfied.”
“I don’t have a lot of gifts, but I’m good in bed.”
“That’s not true.”
He smiled. “I’m not good in bed?”
“That you don’t have a lot of gifts,” she said. Her expression went all serious and she smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “Tell me something about you.”
“There isn’t much. I’m from a rich family. Had a nice house. Anything I wanted. My first car cost more than most people make in a year. I think that led to my basically dissolute lifestyle.”
“Serious relationships?”
“Nope.”
“Brothers or sisters?”
He opened his mouth to answer, then stopped. There was no easy answer to this question. Sayyesand they asked what she was doing. Saynoand it felt like a lie.
“Yeah,” he said, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Why was it still so hard to say? Ten years later it should be easier. And in some ways it was. He didn’t cry about it at weird times anymore. But he still didn’t like to talk about her. He preferred to just forget. Which was what he normally did.
“Younger or older?”
“Older.” Jill had a birthday coming up. But she didn’t age. She stayed the same.
He was older now than Jill had been when she’d died. So he wondered if that was true, if she was technically older still, or if she was his younger sister. Frozen in time.
Shit, what a weird thought.This was why he didn’t think about it.
Jill wasn’t any age now. Jill was just dead.
