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His muscles tensed. And he braced himself. He got out of the driver’s side, ready for whatever fight this guy wanted to be in. Boy, was he ready. For some real violence.
Then he realized it was his brother. Gus.
“And what in theever-lovingfuckare you doing?” Gus roared.
“Gus?”
“Your wife called me and told me that you’re being a little bitch.”
“I’m not,” he said. “I’m protecting her.”
“I’m sorry, from what?”
“You don’t understand.”
“The hell I don’t, Lachlan. For God’s sake. The hell I don’t. Look at me.” He grabbed Lachlan by the arm and pointed to his face. “Do you remember that day?”
“Yes. I do. Dad was obsessed with Mom, and that whole obsession put me at the center because of her attachment to me. And it just... I feel so aware of that. That toxic part of who they were, who he was. I have always been afraid it was part of me.”
“With all the love in my scarred-ass body that is some of the worst bullshit I’ve ever heard.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re a good guy, Lachlan. You have never been anything but a good guy. You’ve taken care of Charity and loved her since she was fifteen. Why would you do anything to hurt her now?”
“Gus, there’s something wrong with me.”
“I didn’t save your ass so that you could be an idiot.”
“You don’t know. Dad went after her. He used me. Used me to get to her because he was obsessed with her. And I think... I think that’s how I feel about her. I’m obsessed with her.”
“Yeah. Well, you probably should be. She’s your new wife. It isn’t bad to want someone. It isn’t wrong to feel something strong.”
“Dad...”
“Was broken. But we don’t have to be. That doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to feel things. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be in love.”
“This can’t be love. It’s terrible.”
“Yeah. No kidding. It’s awful. It’s like my heart has been carved out of my chest and it’s out there...walking around. Alaina. Cameron. I’m not mine anymore. I’m theirs. But I also can’t imagine living any other way. I wouldn’t want to.” His brother stared right into his eyes then. “But this idea that you’re dangerous? You know that isn’t true. You have to know that.”
“I... I... Why, then? Why did he hate me, Gus?” The words were torn from him, like shards of glass getting torn from his throat. “If he saw himself in me that makes sense, I guess. But if there’s nothing...if there’s no reason... When you’re just a little kid that gets treated like garbage, how do you... How? Because I always tried to believe that there was a reason for it, but I can’t see it. I can’t see it. And if I can’t see it...what’s going to stop Charity from...seeing the same thing he did? To just stop loving me.”
“Oh. You sad bastard.” Gus rubbed his hands over his face. “Lachlan, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s him. It was him. It was never you. He got to define what love was for you, and that isn’t fair. He made you feel worthless, and that wasn’t fair. It was never you.”
“How do I...”
“The only thing I know is that we had a bad hand, Lach. A bad dad. We didn’t get to choose that. But we can choose something better now. You care enough about her to do anything. But can you care enough about yourself to want more?”
“How? I don’t get how. I’ve always tried to believe that there was a reason for anything, for everything, because it made it feel like maybe our childhood wasn’t so desperately random. Like there was a purpose. But I can’t find it now. I was just a kid that got treated like garbage. And how the hell are you supposed to...”
“Not by her. Never by her. The thing you can’t see, she does see it. And at some point you have to love her enough to trust that.”
“I don’t even know what it is.”
“What?”
“Love.”
