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He asked that without any venom in his voice.
“Yes. He and I have really been just friends for a lot of years, but when it came right down to it... When I realized what it would mean to be married to somebody else, when I realized what that would mean for our relationship, I realized that I wasn’t prepared for that. And he... He was going to marry somebody else. And when all of that came up, it was just kind of clarifying and...he asked me to marry him. And I really want to.” Her voice broke. “I’m sorry. It’s not fair. I thought that I wanted to marry you. I really did. It has been such a stabilizing, lovely thing in my life, this relationship. You have been such a good friend to me.”
“But it turned out I was morejustyour friend than he was.”
“It’s complicated. Our history. Our life.”
Byron was silent for a long moment.
“I’ve always known that you loved him,” Byron said. “I thought you had your reasons for not being with him.”
That hurt. That he’d seen something about herself she hadn’t. But maybe it took someone who was outside of it to really see. She and Lachlan had called each other friends, just friends, for so many years. It had never beenjustanything.
“I guess I did,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to lie to you or lead you on.”
“I know you didn’t. I realized something seeing you here. You love your life. You love your friends here. You love him. I thought I could move here with you and leave my family, but after your dad died I thought... I wouldn’t have to. I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to leave the lives we love so much. At least, that’s what I was going to say.”
“We can just go,” she said.
He shook his head. “I’d like to order breakfast.”
“You’re not mad? About Lachlan?”
He sat back in his chair. “No. If I had any doubts about my own reasons for ending this, it clears it up. We could have been happy. But one of us would have had to leave a place, and people, that were more important to us than each other. I think that’s the biggest, clearest evidence that we weren’t meant to be married.”
“I’ve been afraid of this. I just didn’t want another change. But part of me thought there was a reason we didn’t hurry up and set a date. That there was a reason I didn’t have a ring.” She paused. “If you thought I loved him, why were you willing to be with me anyway? Why were you willing to take...not the best or first? You’re a good guy, and you really didn’t deserve that.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I really did care for you. I thought you would make a good wife, the kind I’d always wanted. And I always try to be who I was raised to be. Good and moral and willing to be last. Willing to be second.”
“Don’t do that, Byron. Be with someone who puts you first. Put yourself first.”
That made him look lost. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Maybe... Maybe being without me will help. Maybe this was the first step to better.”
He forced a smile. “I really do like you a whole lot.”
“Me, too,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “You know, you kind of remind me of my dad.”
“I can’t think of a better compliment. I’ll see if I can get a flight change. I’m happy to have breakfast with you, but it’s probably time for me to go back to Virginia. You can get on with things here, and maybe I can...figure out what I want.”
“I want that for you.”
She knew that their friendship would fade. Because the break wasn’t hard enough or painful enough for them to hang on to anything.
She tried to remember what had connected them back in college. Why they had thought it was romantic. Maybe just because they didn’t have a romance with other people. Because no one else was as much alike. Maybe that was all it had ever been.
She was grateful now, for the ease of it. But the ease itself spoke volumes.
She was learning an awful lot these past weeks. She wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
It was grief, maybe, that had accelerated the process. That had made her reach down and touch on feelings that she’d never had before.
It made sense. Even if she didn’t want to admit that.
It made a terrible kind of sense.
They ate their eggs and bacon and talked about memories of veterinary school. Their friend group, times spent at the ice cream shop down the street. Board game nights that got so competitive there was nearly bloodshed. What they’d had since then was a shadow of that college experience. Maybe they’d both been clinging to that. The memories were happy, joyful. More so than their present had been. He gave her a hug goodbye out in the parking lot.
