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God dammit, what is wrong with me?
This is a job. Just work. I’m in charge here. He’s paying me to be in control and I should have enough discipline to be in control of myself, too. Only the arrogant billionaire who has it all but dropped to his knees in front of me, just to sniff my pussy, makes me wild with longing. Isn’t that the kind of devotion I always dreamed about? The kind James could never give me. Not even in those early years when things were new and exciting.
That’s all this is, of course. It’s the first flush of arousal. I’ve denied Jarradek something he wants. I did it deliberately, because I know all too well that’s the way to build obsession. So, when I give him attention and affection slowly, bit by bit, he’ll become hooked. Only with Jarradek, it’s different. He and I both know where we stand. A mutually beneficial arrangement. Nothing more.
It’s dangerous to wish for more. And ridiculous. If I could have picked a worse target for my dreams than my ex, it’s Jarradek. He’s untouchable for a woman like me. Even if he wanted me, acknowledging he’s dating the sex worker would end his career. Not that a guy like that will want me for long. He’s only on the hook as long as I can keep him from getting what he wants. After that, all bets are off. So, I have to draw it out as long as I can. Keep him booking.
Going home to an empty apartment is strange and unnatural. It’s too quiet. Even though the kids would be in bed asleep by now, without them here, there’s no soft white noise from the bedroom. There’s no gentle snores from Elsa. I stand in the doorway and look into the dark, empty room just to prove to myself I’m OK. Lord knows I should be enjoying the chance for some uninterrupted sleep.
I brush angrily at the two tears that dare to wet my cheeks when I climb into bed, though. I don’t even really know why I’m crying. My kids are only uptown with Kalli. I’m not lonely. Not exactly.
I’m pent up and worried and I feel the need for release, but I don’t want to touch myself or get out my vibe while I’m feeling like this.
Eventually, I fall asleep dreaming of a huge wet tongue, wishing I knew how it felt on my body instead of my clothing.
***
I’m on the way to dropElsa at school when the notification pops up on my phone the next morning.
Booking request.
When I finally get a chance to look after nine, I see Jarradek has requested a booking for tonight! As if!
I hastily reject the booking and stash my phone in my pocket. Today’s job is a rental clean. I’ve only got two hours and the place has to be spotless. So it’s not until almost twelve that I see all of Jarradek’s messages.
Bullistic: My Lady, did I do something wrong?
Bullistic: Please, My Lady. I need to see you
Letting out a long sigh, I wonder how much to tell him.
Mel: I can’t see you until next week. You haven’t done anything wrong
I struggle with the words, delete them, type them again. I don’t want to come across as emotional. I don’t want to be too stern, either. I’m certainly not ready to break the spell and tell him I’m a single mom with two kids and a shitty day job trying to get by. To him, I’m something more and I’d rather keep it that way.
Bullistic: Is there something more I should do to please you?
I consider.
Mel: Keep the writing and don’t come until I see you again
The three dots appear instantly, indicating he’s writing back. I chew my lip, wondering what he’ll say. Did I go too far?
Bullistic: all week!? The writing stays. No question. But pls let me come. I promise I’m not seeing anyone else, but a bull has needs
I roll my eyes. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard guys have some kind of next level needs, I wouldn’t need to be escorting.
Mel: I thought you wanted to please me. But, after all, you are the paying customer. It’s up to you
I expect him to thank me. To tell me he’s sorry and he’ll make it up to me next week. Instead the three dots appear and disappear over and over, until I give up and lock my screen and head to my next job.
When I check my messages again on the way to pick up Elsa, I find:
Bullistic: you’re right. I do want to please you. Please forgive me. I won’t come until I see you
I blink down at it in surprise. That’s not the response I was expecting. That’s kind of adorable, actually. It was clearly a struggle for him to make that promise. I find myself grinning as I walk through the school gates. My leggings are faded and my sneakers are scuffed and my hair’s a mess, but my chin is up. I could be the queen of the world the way I’m feeling right now.
I’ll have to be careful. This whole domme thing could clearly get addictive.
