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Elsa gives me a knowing look, but she plays along. Damian is confused at first, but when I open the window and step out onto the fire escape, his little eyes widen.
“You said we were never allowed to go out here.”
I nod. “And you’re not. Not without me, but when there’s a fire, this is how we have to go.”
I hold out my arms and he lets me help him through the window. When Elsa is out, too, I shut the window and we begin the climb down to the street. It’s dark and windy. The wind whips my hair into my face and makes it difficult for me to keep watch to make sure James isn’t down there.
I can’t see him anywhere. In fact, there’s no one on the street. When we get to the last ladder, I wonder if I’ve made a mistake. Then I remember the awful trapped feeling of standing behind that door, not knowing what to do. The same feeling I used to get every day living under the same roof as him.
I need to stop doubting myself and trust my instincts, trust my ability to be in charge of my life and my kids’ lives. Taking a deep breath, I lead them down the last ladder and we all hold hands and rush for the car. I keep it parked a street away and the dash through the dark is as terrifying as if we’re really being pursued.
When I unlock the door, I bundle the kids into the car. I have an awful moment where I wonder if it will start. It’s been weeks since I had to use it. It’s too expensive. I keep meaning to sell the thing.
I turn the key and the engine starts. I’m so glad I didn’t sell it. I don’t even buckle Elsa and Damian in. Instead, I flick the headlights on and take off before something can happen.
A few blocks away, I stop and crawl into the back to do up their seatbelts. Damian is giggling and Elsa gives me a horrified look. “We weren’t buckled in!”
I stroke her face. “I know, baby. I forgot. Here we go. All sorted now. We’re just going to go find a park, OK. Only it’s a bit dark, so we might have to wait a while.”
She looks skeptical, and I don’t blame her. I turn and take off before I have to face any more of her questions. Turning the stereo up, I blast Cocomelon, so I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts right now.
I can’t go to Kalli’s. I can’t turn up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. Besides, what if James can find us there? I’ll call her tomorrow and we’ll sort out something. I just need to find somewhere safe to park the car until morning and everything will look a little brighter.
TWELVE
Jarradek
It’s blisteringly early. The air is frosty and huge billows of steam puff from my nostrils as I shift from hoof to hoof trying to stay warm. The park is already busy. All these good citizens out for an early morning run before work. They run past in their activewear, socks pulled up high, headphones in, chins up. As if they’re already congratulating themselves about how damn virtuous they are just for showing up.
I don’t really know why I’m in such a sour mood.
Usually, I like this part of the job. Meeting people, charming people. Today, I’d rather still be in bed. Not because I’m not a morning person. I mean I’m not, but today, I’m in a sour mood, specifically because I’d rather be in that hotel bed with Lady Mel wrapped up in my arms and that has me shaken.
I’m not normally that guy.
I normally kick them out well before that. If they’re lucky enough to make it to a bed with me in the first place.
