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I give Him my best glare. “Aren’t You going to leave, so I can use it?”
His stool morphs into a wrought iron throne, complete with sharp, pointed peaks and fancy curls around glittering, inset green gems. “I’m not stopping you from using it. Your human sensibilities are.”
Bastard. “I’m not turning this into a free show. If You’re going to stay, I’m going to hold it.”
Leviathan frowns. “You stated that these bodily functions are essential for human health. If that is not the case, I’ll remove the commode.” He raises His hand as if to dismiss the potty.
“Wait!” My toga slips as I reach out a hand to stop Him.
The corner of His lip turns up in a wicked grin. “Yes?”
With a heavy sigh of resignation, I lift my chin and walk over to the toilet. It takes some jiggering and careful maneuvering, but I manage to sit without exposing myself to my audience. After relieving my bladder, I look to either side of me and realize I neglected to negotiate for toilet paper.
Fuck my life.
I clear my throat as gently as possible and look at the leering demon Prince. “May I please have some toilet paper?”
“Hm? Oh, you didn’t specify that.”
“I may have forgotten some details.”
His grin widens. “Too bad for you, then.”
My mind races to figure out a way to coerce Him into giving me some leeway in our previous agreement. “I can’t get myself clean without it. I assume You want me clean in that area?” It’s a stretch, but I’m hoping He’s got standards.
Thatgives Leviathan pause. The grin drops into a frown, and the brows furrow into a scowl. “If this is some kind of human trick …”
I lean forward on my seat. “Women’s bodies are sensitive, especially—” I let my gaze flicker south “—there. If I don’t get clean, I could easily get an infection. More easily than if I held it for too long.”
He doesn’t look like He fully believes me, but in the end I wear Him down enough to earn my TP. I don’t, however, apparently earn privacy yet, so once again I have to perform some tricky wardrobe acrobatics to keep all the privates private while I wipe. Somehow, I manage to prevent a nip slip or aBasic Instinctscene. Once I’m clean and dry and my sheet is properly arranged, I stand up, flush the magic commode, and head back to the cot to have a seat.
To my dismay, Leviathan plane shifts across the room a second before I sit down, depositing Himself underneath my butt so I end up sitting in His gross lap.
I shoot to my feet and whirl around, furious. “What the hell, dude?”
He shrugs and reclines on the cot, His boner now fully formed and tenting His pants. “I’m a demon. You should have expected that.”
Oh, he wants to fight dirty? I’ll fight dirty, too.
I cross my arms over my chest and turn away from Him. “Az would have better manners.”
That deflates the Pants Tent faster than probably anything else I could have done. It certainly works better than all my talk about cleanliness and infections.
“My Brother’s manners are not to be discussed here,” Leviathan growls through gritted teeth. “Nor are His skills, nor His prowess, nor His looks. In fact, not even His name shall be mentioned. Not if you wish to have any sort of creature comforts while you are in My Domain.”
Bingo. I found the trigger.
Feigning contrition, I lower my head and my gaze, letting my lashes hood my eyes while I give Him a timid nod. It seems to satisfy His ego, and He ports back to His iron Throne.
“Good. We are in agreement, then.”
Sure. If by “in agreement” He means “tucking away that knowledge for use at a later time,” then we’re in agreement.
I sit back down—slower this time—and get as comfortable as I can on the rickety old cot. Why the hell He conjured this old thing for His courting and not, like, a nice bed is beyond me, but I don’t have it in me to try to make any further deals for my comfort. I’ll make do with the cot until Az comes to rescue me, which I hope is soon.
After a few more awkward minutes, or hours, or however long it is in real time, Leviathan finally yawns and stands, dismissing the throne. “I bore of this. Your food and drink will be along shortly. If you continue to behave, you might earn a bath.”
I ignore the jab at my hygiene and wait until He plane shifts out of the room, leaving me alone, before I allow panic to set in.
