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What the fuck did I do? I pushed the one other person away that made me feel like I wasn’t insane. And now I can’t find him anywhere. He won’t answer my messages or phone calls. The next place to look is his apartment. I run inside his building, bypass the elevator, and take the stairs two at a time to the third floor. Sliding my key into the lock, I push my way inside.
“Elijah?” No answer. “Elijah!” I search his apartment from top to bottom, getting more frantic by the second. Where did he go? “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” I pull my phone from my pocket and call him again, only for it to go straight to voicemail. I go to launch it at the wall and stop myself at the last second. I can’t call him if I don’t have a phone. I flop down on his couch. “Think, Blaze, think.”
Out of options, I dial Kane. “Hello?” he answers on the third ring.
“I can’t find Elijah, and he won’t answer his phone, Kane. I’m at his apartment now, and he’s not here!”
“Hm,” Kane replies.
“Hm? What the fuck does that even mean? Do you know how important it is that I find him? Heneedsme.”
“He does.”
I jump to my feet, pacing. “Are you trying to piss me off?”
“No.”
“Goddamnit, Kane!”
“What do you want me to say, Blaze? You fucked up? Fine, you fucked up. You took one of the few people who could deal with you and pushed them away. And for what? Because you don’t think you deserve his love?” I stop pacing mid-stride, my entire body stiff. “Get the fuck over yourself.”
“It’s not that easy,” I say, my voice low. My entire body is vibrating at such a high frequency that I don’t know whether to hit something or curl into a ball. Kane knows not to throw shit like that at me.
“It is that easy, Blaze. You need to decide if you can give Elijah everything he wants or leave him alone to find someone who will.” The thought of Elijah with someone else makes me see red with rage. I’ll be goddamned if Elijah will ever be with someone else without me.
I leave Elijah’s apartment, slamming the door behind me. I run back down the stairs and slide into my car. “I don’t know if I can give him what he needs.”
“You can. You just need to get your head out of your ass. You can’t keep leading him on.”
I smack the steering wheel. “I’m not leading him on! He agreed to this!”
“And now he wants more. That happens. You helped him through something fucking terrible, Blaze. It only makes sense that his feelings would develop further.”
My heart is pounding in my chest, and my mind is whirling. All the voices in my head are yelling at the same time, but they’re all saying something different. “Kane,” I say raggedly.
“I know, Blaze,” he says, softening his tone. “You need him as much as he needs you. You just have to admit it to yourself.” I nod even though he can’t see me. “Oh, and Blaze? We’re at the cottage.” The line goes dead, and I slump on the steering wheel.
I thought something horrible happened to Elijah, and he’s been with Kane this whole fucking time? Of course, Kane would swoop in like a knight in shining armor.Asshole.I shove my car into first gear and jerk the wheel onto the road, cutting off a car in the process. I stick my middle finger out the window and stomp on the gas. I need to calm the fuck down, so I conjure up Elijah’s brown eyes. They were the first thing that drew me to him that night. They were so soft and calm. He wasn’t scared of me the way people are when they first meet me. I quit trying to hide that I was halfway insane years ago. It was much easier to give in to the voices than to control them with whatever medication they tried to put me on. I can do my job better if I’m not walking around like a zombie.
Elijah never questioned me when I talked to myself or shied away when I had what Kane calls my epic meltdowns, which usually consist of the destruction of property. The more I was around Elijah, the more I didn’t have to fight the voices. He calmed them to a dull roar so I could concentrate on him.
Breaking every speed law, I finally pull in front of the cottage. I’m out of the car and running before I can second guess what I’m about to do. I bust into the house to find Kane and Jaxon cuddling on the couch.
“Where the fuck is he?”
Kane doesn’t even look up. “In his room. Remember what I said.”
“Why the hell do you care so much? You did the same goddamn thing.” My anger has risen to the top and boiled over.
Kane whispers something to Jaxon and sits up. “Sit down.” Jaxon disappears through the hallway and into Kane’s room. “Sit.”
I walk over and fall into the chair. “What?”
“You’re acting like a toddler. And what I did is not the same thing. I left you guys alone to build on your relationship. I was in the way and just a buffer so you could ignore what you really felt.”
“What are you? A shrink? Fuck all the way off, Kane.”
I watch Kane’s face change to that level of pissed-off that makes grown men piss themselves. “You have one more chance to talk to me like that, Blaze,” he warns. “Are you here to fix this, or do I need to kick you out?”
