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“But their kids will be much younger than J.J., obviously.” She flipped on her turn signal as she waited at the light to turn left onto the road where the diner was. “Maybe by then you’ll be ready to have a newborn of your own.”
And just like that, she’d said it. The words that she’d been wanting to pass by him for days. She was too chicken to come out and ask if he saw himself having more kids. This was a passive-aggressive way to bring it up.
He laughed, and it hurt. The pain went straight to her heart.
“I’m done with that for good,” Holden said. “I just want to focus on J.J.”
Those were the words she’d been dreading. He didn’t want more kids. Starting a new family wasn’t in the cards for him.
She wrestled with this new revelation as she pulled into the diner parking lot and grabbed the closest space to the door. She should put an end to this for good. Maybe she could move in with her parents temporarily and tell everyone it hadn’t worked out. She could be honest and say he didn’t want more kids and she couldn’t give that up. Nobody would blame her for ending an engagement if that were the case.
As she stood just inside the entrance to the diner, it hit Faith just how proud she was to be standing beside this man. The townspeople would think that he was her fiancé. But sadly, the more people who saw them together, the harder it would be when they had to end this.
“There you are!” the diner’s owner, Jackie Castle, called out as he came rushing out of the back room. “The Missing Ardmore sister. I just saw Ana, and now you’re back. It’s about time.”
Arms extended, he walked up to her and gave her a big hug. Then he stepped back, holding his hand out to Holden.
“How are you, man?” Jackie asked.
Holden met his handshake. “Great.”
“Congratulations, you two.” Jackie looked from Holden to Faith, a big smile on his face. “You couldn’t have gotten a better woman if you tried.”
“Agreed.”
Faith looked over at Holden and found him staring at her. There was so much emotion in his eyes, it was almost impossible to believe he didn’t feel something for her too. And maybe he did. Maybe he was battling this attraction. Maybe it was turning into more for him.
But it didn’t matter. He didn’t want kids. It would never work.
How would she summon the appetite to enjoy Jackie’s onion rings? She wasn’t sure, but the bright smile on Holden’s face told her she had to try.
It wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault. She had gotten herself into this mess, and she’d have to deal with the consequences. She should have never let herself start falling for a man who didn’t fit her life goals. She’d already gotten engaged to the wrong person once.
When would she stop letting her heart lead her into situations that were not good for her? When would she learn?
23
Something was up with Faith, and Holden had an idea of what it might be. So he waited until they’d ordered and sat back, staring at her.
They no longer had the excuse of studying the menu to keep from talking about the issue at hand. Holden was a firm believer in getting things out in the open, and this definitely needed to be brought out into the open.
“You want kids,” he said.
His words froze her. She didn’t even appear to be breathing. As he watched her, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked tonight. She hadn’t done anything that elaborate—just straightened her hair and put on a fluffy white sweater with jeans and knee-high boots. But one look at her filled him with so much emotion, it knocked the wind out of him. What was happening to him?
“Yes,” she finally said. She took a deep breath and looked off to the left, seeming to have a tough time returning his stare. “Two at least. Hopefully, a couple of years apart in age, but I’m already thirty years old. If I don’t start soon, it might be just one. Whatever happens, I definitely want my own family.”
Her own family. That put him out of the running. He could never give a woman her own family. He and J.J. were a package deal—a ready-made family.
“You have it all mapped out,” he said. “Was that what you planned with your ex?”
Now she shifted her gaze back to him. “We discussed it. You always discuss things like that before you get engaged for real.”
Unlike their engagement, which was the opposite of “for real.” They’d never discussed whether or not they wanted kids because they’d never committed to marrying each other.
He couldn’t. He had no plans to get married. He wanted to dedicate himself to raising J.J. until she was grown. Only then would he consider getting married again. By then, it would be too late to have kids.
Maybe if he repeated it to himself enough, his heart would listen.
