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My smile surfaced slowly. Elias would never have concerns about me overstepping with Cress but he wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of her attention being on another man, family or not.
“It’s nothing more than business. I don’t think bringing her to Cress’s show is a good idea.”
He studied me for a moment. “Are you going to allow her to fuck up what’s left of your life, Ez?”
“You don’t know her…”
“Not this woman, whoever she is. I mean Sasha.”
“Not bringing Jhorie to Cress’s show doesn’t have a damn thing to do with my ex-wife.”
“Then whatisthe issue? You’re conflicted and you like her.”
I carefully considered what I wanted to tell him but he gave me that look. The one that dared me not to be honest and I fucking hated that he had the right to push. As vulnerable as he had been with me in years past, I owed him the same honesty.
“I slept with her the night my divorce was final.”
“And…”
“It was supposed to be a one night stand. No connections, no commitments, just consensual sex. A celebration to launch me into a life of freedom from a failed marriage. A few weeks later she showed up at my office. I thought she was there to announce our love child, but it turned out Samiya sent her to work with me. For the past two weeks, we’ve been working together. Very closely.”
“I’m not seeing a problem, unless she’s unavailable.”
“She is, for the most part. Just recently ended something complicated. She won’t give me the details but whatever it was forced her to walk away with nothing and move back here to Crescent Falls to start over.”
“She’s not interested in a relationship?”
“I don’t know what the fuck she wants. She was very interested when I had my mouth on her pussy at McCall’s last week. But the second after I made her cum, she was conflicted, telling me she didn’t want casual sex and that since I’m recently divorced, I couldn’t commit to a relationship.”
“Can you?”
My eyes narrowed on his impassive face. “Yes, I can but…” I paused and switched up. “It’s not a good idea. For the next year at a minimal we’ll be buried in my revitalization projects. I also have this bullshit with Christian to sort out and various other business dealings. I need to be focused.”
“You need balance and consistent pussy will give you that.”
“Is that your answer for everything?”
He shrugged lazily. “Since Cress, yeah, it is. My life is pretty fucked up at times. It gets dark as hell and that’s something most people will never understand. She does…”
“And I don’t?”
“Yeah you do but with her it’s different, Ez. She’s my balance. When I’m spiraling, she grounds me. When I’m second guessing or insecure, she’s my confidence. That shit would normally make me feel inadequate but not with her. She’s more than I could have ever imagined being blessed with, Ez. And you need that too. Your fraud of a marriage didn’t come close to what a real one looks or feels like.”
“You’re the expert now?”
“No, because you and I are not the same. But I’m happy and I want that for you. If this woman can be your happiness, what’s the problem?”
I relaxed more in my chair. “She’s nothing like I expected but everything I could see myself wanting. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with her and that makes me uneasy. My marriage was fucked up, Lias. It happened for all the wrong reasons but I still wanted it. I was a good husband. I worked to make her happy—”
“She was never gonna be happy, Ez. She didn’t want to be, not withyou.”
Which was the problem.
“I wasn’t who she chose to give her heart to and I want to be chosen. I fucking need that shit. If I do this again, she has to choose me.”
“And you don’t think this woman will?”
My jaw flexed. “I barely know her…”
