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“They get by. I called them ants before, but they’re more like roaches, no? They keep popping up.” She laughed at the analogy, a tinge of madness apparent in her voice. “Humans are dangerous when given too much hope. They’d threaten our very way of life.” She curled her lip, unknowing that she only cascaded her pain down onto those she still had power over. Kings crushed queens, queens crushed humans, and everyone’s suffering only compounded. “You are such a disappointment, girl, that you can’t see clearly what would happen if we let them off their leashes.”
“Don’t call me girl,” I raged. Now that I had claimed my true self, that word grated against my skin, the irritation it caused before increased tenfold. I’d spent so long being silent about it, letting each time I was called “girl” chip away at me a little more, and I wasn’t going to take it anymore, especially not from Sawyn. “That is not what I am.”
Sawyn rolled her eyes. “You want to be a man so you can have everything to yourself, don’t you?”
“No, not a man, either.” I shifted my knees under me, trying to take the strain off my arms. “Something else.Merem. That’s who I am.”
“You’ve spent too much time with the humans.” Sawyn waved off my words. “That is their short-lived nonsense speaking. Those aren’t our words.”
“And you’ve spent too little time with them! Maybe we should be more like the humans.”
Sawyn’s head whipped toward me. “Skin chaser.”
“Thoseareour words—and aren’t the insult you think. Less separates us than you would believe.” I saw it in her eyes—she thought I was crazy, so certain that she was right. Disbelief warred against her rage.
“Just one look at you and I know exactly what you are,” she seethed. “You think your made-up words can deceive me?”
“I have been deceiving everyone, including myself, my whole life,” I shouted, spittle flying from my mouth as I raged, not only against her but every person who ever made me feel lesser than.“No more. You choose to see what your closed little mind tells you. But I’m done trying to make sense to people like you. I’m finally now being honest.”
“And what does your prince think of this ridiculousness, merem?” Her eyes widened when I didn’t respond. “Oh, you haven’t told him, have you?” Her lips curved up in an evil grin. “Shall we ask him?”
Thirty-Nine
She twisted her hand upward, bolts of green lightning shooting skyward, and a thump sounded to my left. Grae appeared in front of me, doubled over and gasping wet breaths. One eye was bruised shut, his lip busted open. When he spotted me, he let out a cry of relief, crawling toward me and wrapping me in his arms. A sob escaped my lips as I dropped my head onto his shoulder.
“Tell him, Calla.” Sawyn’s voice cut short our relief.
“Are you okay?” Grae whispered, searching my face and body for injuries. I nodded against him and he sighed.
“Tell him what you think you are,” Sawyn taunted.
“What?” Grae pulled back, his worried eyes meeting mine.
“I was going to tell you.” I clenched my jaw, staring past him at Sawyn, hating that this was how the conversation would play out. “But at first I didn’t know how to explain it and... and then there were more pressing things, but I was going to—”
“Go on.” Sawyn’s face filled with wicked delight as she waited for me to speak. I knew from her catlike grin that she thought I was about to humiliate myself... but that arrogance, that certainty, only bolstered me to speak. Let me show her how a real Wolf acted, because as confident as she was,Iwas certain of my mate.
“This is the first time I’ve been away from Briar,” I said, steeling myself with a deep breath. “And it’s the first time I’ve seen myself as someone other than her twin. Someone other than a Wolf. Someone who existed outside of my title and pack. I always felt as if I’d been cast in the wrong role, one that never quite fit me, but I could never put my finger on why. I thought maybe it was because I was never meant to be a shadow, but it was so much more.”
Grae’s arms stayed folded around me as I spoke, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.
“And then I met Ora, and I realized there was someone within me under the layers of self-doubt and agitation... and then it all made sense. I think you’ve seen it within me on this trip already. Maybe you’ve seen it within me my entire life, before either of us could understand. It slowly grew within me and struck me like lightning all at once,” I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief. “Daggers and jackets, dresses and kohl, man and woman and beyond. I exist somewhere, flowing in between them. And I thought I’d have to break myself down into little pieces to make it fit me, that I’d have to deny one part of myself to choose another, but I don’t.” My voice wobbled. “I am a whole person always, flowing, carving my own path.”
Grae’s arms tightened around me. “Yes,” he murmured softly into my hair.
I began to pull away from him, but Grae held me tight to him, looking down into my eyes. “Ora had a human word for it—merem. With the river. That feels like what I am.”
Tears welled in my eyes as I claimed that word for myself again, relief and joy washing through me even in the confines of a dungeon. And now I’d said it to my mate. He finally got to know all of me. This was a power Sawyn would never know—the confidence I had that Grae would love me unconditionally.
“Ha! He’s speechless!” Sawyn cackled, misreading how our bond was growing even stronger. “He thinks you’re crazy too,girl. Why would you think any Wolf would want you if you don’t want to be his woman—”
Grae grabbed my cheeks, pulling my lips to his, the action silencing Sawyn. Tears streamed down my cheeks as he kissed me, slow and deep.
He lifted his lips an inch from mine to speak. “I only ever wanted you, little fox.” His chest rumbled against me. “I’ve seen the beauty and strength in every side of you, even before it had a name, and I know all the things that you are were meant to be mine. You’re my partner, my person, my mate.”
A dizzying, soaring feeling washed through me as he wiped my tears. He wrapped his arm around my rib cage and squeezed me against his muscled chest. His lips enveloped mine, a promise of all he said, a sweet burning kiss that skittered down to my toes.
“I love you,” he murmured across my mouth. “You’remymerem.” The word on his lips made a soft cry escape mine.
