AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A kitchen server appears and fills our cups with a rosy liquid with the sour tang of alcohol. I nod to her in thanks.
My dining partner leans forward, her gaze trailing over me more intently now that we’re settled in. “How long has it been? Eleven years? Twelve? Too long, really.”
“Eleven,” I say evenly, and ignore her last remark entirely. If she’d really wanted to see me again, it’d have been much easier for her to visit Florian than for me to track her down while she toured the country estates beyond the city.
And I wouldn’t have welcomed those visits anyway. Her visits in my childhood filled me with even more dread than when I had only my mother’s wishes to appease.
Which was unfair of me. Laselle and my mother only wanted me to fulfill my potential, to honor our god in every way I could.
But feelings are feelings, and there isn’t much you can do to argue with them.
Laselle daintily picks up a piece of bread and gives me another of her restrained smiles. “And now you’re fully grown. You look to have been taking care of yourself well. You must be almost finished with your education, I assume?”
“One year left before I can enter the courtesan’s guild,” I confirm. The thought combined with my uncertainty about how exactly I want to continue my intended career path sends a thread of tension winding around my gut.
“At this point, I hope you’ve been pleasing many patrons already.” She takes a careful bite of bread and cheese, showing just the slightest hint of her teeth. Not enough to reveal the row of jeweled replacements at the back of her mouth, but I know she has four sapphires embedded there.
Half as many gaudy teeth as my own, yet the sacrifice I planned never seemed to be enough in her mind.
“I’ve been quite active since I started the college program,” I say, avoiding any mention of my current partial hiatus. “They encourage us to put our skills to use for a lesser fee. You can never learn as much as you do with the actual people you’re meant to please.”
“Well spoken. Perhaps you’ve managed to fill part of the void your mother left.” Laselle’s eyes narrow. “But why are you serving your own pleasure with countryside visits when there must be plenty of others who’d enjoy your services? Or more learning you could be doing?”
I swallow thickly behind my own smile. Flickers of memories rise up of the cutting glares and sneering remarks whenever my mother caught me taking a moment of my own leisure.
I didn’t bring you into this world for you to loll about baking in the sun.
Don’t tell me you took a ride on your own. Of all the useless things…
If your head is too empty to think of anything you need to be doing, you ask me. I can think of plenty.
Where’s your appreciation for the life I gave you? You want to ruin me all over again?
I make my tone as ingratiating as I’m capable of. “I was hoping I might learn more fromyou. After all, you were Mother’s greatest friend. I haven’t had the benefit of her guidance in so long. I thought hearing of your own recent patronages might give me further inspiration.”
Laselle simply hums dismissively and nibbles at her bread. An ache spreads up through my abdomen.
She isn’t going to tell me anything if I don’t make the right sort of appeal. It’s been too long since I knew her, and I had only a child’s understanding of her interests then.
Well, my gift can help with that.
I press my replaced molars gently against each other in my mouth and draw on the magic Ardone blessed me with in exchange, holding my gaze on Laselle. What could I do that would make her happiest right at this moment?
As always, the answer my gift brings me comes in a current of images and impressions. The flavor of them makes the ache in my stomach expand.
Ah. So that’s really what matters most to her after all, at least when it comes to me.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. My mother always talked as if she wanted nothing from me but accomplishment, but I’ve always felt as if it was something more like atonement she was looking for.
If it saves Ivy from having to put herself in the scourge sorcerers’ hands again and carry out the king’s murderous orders, a little abasing is the least I can do.
I push back my chair and sink to my knees, letting my head come to rest against the edge of the table. “Please. The truth is that I feel I’ve lost my way without your and Mother’s steadying advice. I’m not living up to her wishes. I’m not the man she expected me to be yet. Speaking to you is my last hope. Let me learn what I still can from you.”
Shame prickles across my face at the humiliating position I’ve put myself in, but I keep my head bowed to hide it.
Laselle tsks her tongue, but I catch a hint of appreciation in her chuckle. “Well now, that is quite a quandary you’ve found yourself in. I’m not surprised you’ve gone astray—it was always difficult for Yonata to keep you in line even with my assistance. I suppose I owe it to her to set you to rights if I can.”
I will the embarrassed heat from my face and lift myself back into my chair, maintaining a hunched, humble posture. “Thank you, with all my gratitude. It eats at me every day to think I’m failing to fulfill her legacy.”
