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I wouldn’t know Ivy’s there either until the faint rasp of a brush over horsehair reaches my ears when I’m only a couple of steps away. My first entirely genuine smile of the day crosses my face as I stop by the stall door.
Ivy looks up from where she’s tucked herself away toward the back of the stall, rubbing down the stallion’s haunches. Her face brightens with the pleased light that never fails to set my spirits soaring.
The usually irritable horse snorts at me as if expressing annoyance that I might interrupt his grooming session, but he lowers his head with an almost apologetic air when Ivy pats his side. I shouldn’t be even a little surprised that she’s brought Stavros around when she’s managed to tame this animal who until recently was seen more as a curse than a steed.
He stays still when I slip in after her so no one passing the aisle will see us talking.
“Had enough sleep?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
Ivy’s smile tenses. She goes back to her grooming, to Toast’s approving sigh. “As much as I could. I got restless, so I thought I’d pay this beast a little attention.” She swats him teasingly.
“Well, the room is yours until midnight. So if you feel you need to escape back there later, don’t hesitate.”
“Thank you.” She studies me with those brightly knowing eyes of hers, so alert to any sign of trouble. “How did the visit you were going to make go? Did you find out anything?”
I can tell from her tone that she isn’t even bothering to hope that I can get her out of the horrible task the king has set her on.
Guilt forms a lump in my gut before I manage to answer. “A little. I think I know where the scourge sorcerers have been holding at least some of their bonfires. And I’m almost certain of what they’ve been using to drug you.”
Even though my offering barely feels like anything to me, some of the tension releases from Ivy’s stance. “That could be a big help. I’d love to be able to keep my head clear.”
I wish I could promise her that much. “We’ll have to see if Alek can track down a viable antidote. I’ll pass on word to him as soon as I’ve finished speaking with you—probably I’ll need to call a meeting, but I won’t be saying anything I haven’t told you now. You should keep relaxing.”
I doubt she’s been exactly relaxed at any point today, but it speaks to how much stress she’s under that she tips her head in agreement rather than insisting on coming along.
Every particle in my body clamors to wrap my arms around her and comfort her the best way I know how.
To stir enough bliss inside her that she can forget her worries for a time. To demonstrate my devotion in the most concrete possible way.
But I hold myself back from doing more than setting my hand on her shoulder. I’ve let myself forget that it’s not just Ivy but Julita I’m engaging with.
And Ivy, for all she balks at my nickname for her, is kind enough that she’d forego her own pleasures to ensure the woman whose soul she’s carrying doesn’t have to experience more unhappiness before her ultimate departure.
How long will she bury her own happiness to support everyone else’s? She’s already taken on too many burdens.
I know there’s no arguing with her about it, though. She’d think less of me if I did.
Ivy leans just slightly into my touch, deepening my urge to pull her close. It’s not as if it’d only be forherpleasure. The feel of her against me stirs something in me that’s so much more than desire.
Then she peeks up at me through her eyelashes, a hint of slyness mingling with her concern. “You didn’t like having to go see whoever you were making the trip to. I hope they weren’t too obnoxious.”
I haven’t hidden my discomfort quite well enough.
I manage a sheepish laugh and allow myself the luxury of a kiss to the side of her head, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair with the smoky tang of the bonfire still lingering in it. “It’d simply been a long time. I wasn’t sure what to expect. She was a friend of my mother’s. They both had high expectations for me.”
Ivy raises her eyebrows. “I find it hard to imagine anyone criticizing your abilities as a courtesan. You said it’s a family tradition, didn’t you, so they obviously didn’t expect you to take up some other career path.”
“Oh, definitely not. They wanted me to do as well as possible, that’s all.”
“Your mother isn’t around anymore?”
Gods above, I shudder at the thought of having needed to arrange a meeting between the two women who’ve meant the most to me. “No. She passed away when I was ten. But the courtesan families look out for each other. I always had people to stay with.”
Ivy touches my cheek. “I don’t know how she could be anything but proud of who you’ve become.”
My throat chokes up abruptly. I force a guffaw to cover the swell of emotion, but it keeps burning inside me.
My mother would yell at me for coming out here at all, for spending any time on a woman she’d see as a nobody. And maybe I have been lax in my responsibilities, in the debts I’m not sure I’ll ever fully repay.
