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She doesn’t seem to know what else to say, lapsing into stunned silence.
Benedikt leans his well-built frame against the wall of the cave and accepts his own manacle. He’s dressed for the occasion all in the same black as his shroud: black silk tunic, black trousers, black boots polished enough to gleam in the lantern light.
Queasiness fills my belly. I study him for any clue as to why he’s turned on me, but his betrayal doesn’t make any more sense than it did before.
He focuses on the man who might be Torstem. “I await whatever test you’d conduct for us. I know the gods will be on my side.”
He’s trying to keep up his usual nonchalant tone, but I pick up a slight quaver he can’t totally smooth out of his voice.
The scourge sorcerers stalk out of the cave. They take the lantern with them. The light wavers away, leaving us in total darkness.
I drag in a careful breath despite my rattled nerves, not wanting to show any emotion. I can’t sense any magic lingering around us, can’t hear anything other than the erratic thud of my own heart and the faint rustle of Benedikt’s clothes as he adjusts his position, but there’s still a chance the conspirators are monitoring us.
I’m so sorry,Julita says.I never would have imagined he’d— I thought he’d do anything to support the king! I have no idea what’s the matter with him.
All I can do is raise my shoulders in a shrug to indicate my shared confusion.
For several minutes, we sit there in silence. The cool but stuffy air of the cave seems to congeal around me, thick with a moist, mineral scent. My head keeps whirling, my thoughts getting even harder to pull into order through my growing fatigue.
Benedikt shifts again with a clink of his chain. “I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way.”
His voice is low but abrupt, making my nerves jump in response. I peer toward him through the darkness but can’t make out even the outline of his body.
It seems safest to stay silent, as much as my confusion gnaws at me.
“You have no idea what it’s like,” he goes on. “Nothing I’ve ever done has mattered to the people who are supposed to be my family. I got in the habit of acting like an idiot because that’s all they see me as. That’s not what Iwantedto be.”
Julita brings the snark I can’t voice out loud.And he thought turning on you would make him less of an idiot? If I had my hands to slap him with…
“I thought I had a chance to do something real with Julita and… everything.” Benedikt pauses, maybe as aware as I am that he shouldn’t say anything too incriminating. “But what do I get? I’m dismissed over again. Treated like I’m useless. Two chances are better than one, aren’t they? I went to see what I could find out on my own.”
He set himself up to be recruited just like I had, presumably. Hoping he’d come up with answers before I did?
I guess it mightn’t have been that hard to make Torstem’s supporters believe the bastard’s bastard didn’t give a rat’s ass about the royal family given how irreverent he’s tended to act.
And he did it because he could tell the rest of us were keeping something from him? It isn’t as if we totally shut him out.
If he had any clue why our group was starting to fracture…
Gods help me, it’s a good thing I never trusted him enough to reveal my power.
“Fine,” Benedikt says. “Keep ignoring me. But you know what? The more I’ve heard, the more I think these people have the right idea. What has the royal family done for anyone except the people who fawn and flatter them the best, really? Why should the exact circumstances of your birth dictate how you’ll be treated for your entire life?”
My stomach sinks at the caustic note that’s crept into his voice. I had no idea Benedikt was concealing so much resentment behind his carefree attitude.
But then, I’ve only known him for a matter of weeks, barely talked with him outside of the business of our investigation. I saw him as a friend because of our shared cause, but we aren’t much better than fleeting acquaintances, really.
“Everyone else does whatever they have to do to get ahead,” he goes on. “Why shouldn’t I? What have you ever done to earnmyloyalty? If I hadn’t—”
He cuts himself off and lapses into a heavy silence. My lungs tighten.
There’s one subject I can bring up without giving any validity to his claims. “The people who brought us here said you failed a test. What makes you think you deservetheirloyalty?”
The silence stretches a little longer. “I didn’t know. I wasn’t prepared. They said to carve my whole cheek off, and I only—I onlyhesitated. I never said no. I simply needed a moment to be sure…”
Carve his whole cheek off. I can’t restrain a wince, echoed by Julita’s presence within my skull.
They must guess at what sacrifice would be most difficult for each potential initiate. Benedikt is a flirt as well as a jokester.
