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Willow’s still asleep when I sneak back into the room, making me sigh in relief. While she seemed okay when we arrived here, I don’t know how she’s going to feel when she wakes. I’m guessing part of her strength last night was adrenaline, or even the shock of everything that happened. Both of those should have worn off by now, so naturally I’m worried.
I close my eyes for a beat, the heaviness becoming too much, when she calls my name.
“Jesse?”
I jump up as my heart thuds in my chest, an invisible tension leaving my body. Willow’s eyes meet mine, and when she smiles warmly, I take a deep breath, as though I’m finally able to fill my lungs. She’s okay. Even after talking to her when she woke up, even knowing that she went to sleep with my name on her lips, something deep inside me was worried.
I don’t deserve her, and I’m almost certain that one day that’s going to come back to bite me.
“Come here?” she says, her smile dropping. “I’m okay.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, faking a smile of my own as I walk to sit on her bed.
“I’m not silly, Jesse." Willow giggles. "Or blind. I can see the worry lines all over your face.”
“Hey now, just because I’m a year older than you doesn’t mean you can joke about my age.”
“Jesse,” she grates, her stare telling me I need to stop. That I need to be real with her instead of playing it away with jokes.
“Fuck, I was so scared. What the hell were you thinking?” I say, giving her a piece of my mind.
She smiles, reaching for my hand to intertwine our fingers. “I just wanted to keep you safe. I wasn’t thinking about anything else. I…”
“You almost died.”
“I know.”
“God, I can’t live in a world if you're not in it. I know that’s a bold statement, but Willow, it’s the truth. I’ve done it before. And I’m not strong enough to survive it again.”
Willow squeezes my hand and pulls me forward until we’re face-to-face. “I’m not going anywhere, Jesse. You’re stuck with me.”
“Wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.” I smile. “And you know that’s the truth because I only like about five people, and only tolerate a few more. As for everyone else—”
“I know. Mr. Hockey Recluse. I know.”
“Enough out of you. Can I kiss you?” I gently brush her hair away from her head, careful not to touch the bruising that’s visible now that there's light. She has a dressing to stop the bleeding at the back of her head, but other than that, she’s relatively wound free. At least on the outside.
“I would love nothing more. Don’t hold back,” she says, using the words I once said to her. “I’m still me. Don’t treat me like I’m fragile.”
She sits up and presses her lips to mine before I’ve even had a chance to process it, and I softly kiss her back. She can say what she likes about not being fragile, but with the vision of her lifeless body still very present in my mind, it’s going to take me a while to truly believe that.
I expect her to protest, but instead, she matches my slow speed, and it’s not until a wetness hits my lips that I notice she’s crying. But when I pull back to look at her, there are no tears inhereyes. They’re mine.
“I’m here, Jesse. I’m here,” she says, folding me into a hug just as more tears fall and a guttural cry rips from my chest, the weight of the past twenty-four hours, the past twelve years, finally bearing down on me.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I’m sorry for not being there sooner. I’m sorry for hurting her so many times. I’m sorry for my lies. The pain I caused. My silence. But of all the things I’m sorry for… I’m sorry for not having the courage to talk to her the day she first helped me. For not asking her name and for starting a chain of events that almost killed her.
What’s that saying…? The butterfly effect…a small change in the past could have a huge impact on the future? This feels like that—saying hello could have saved Jade’s life, and in turn, made Willow’s life better.
“Don’t, Jesse,” she whispers, breaking into my spiraling thoughts. “We’re not allowed to focus on the past anymore, or try to take the blame. Because even you said it yourself—you wouldn’t change it. Everything brought you to me. The good, the bad, the heartbreak, the love—everything led us to now, to us being together, to making us stronger, to making us the people we are. The people that love each other and share a bond so strong that no one will tear us apart.”
She presses her lips to my head before smiling again and wiping away my tears. “From now on we just focus on the now. On us.”
I close my eyes and attempt to do just that, but fuck, it’s hard.
“Listen to me,” Willow says, her voice filtering into my mind. “Focus on my voice.” She repeats my words back to me, making me finally relax. “What do you hear?”
