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“I love you, Willow. And I wish things had been different between us. That we’d met at a different time. That we could fix this.”
But I know there’s little chance of that happening.
When I look up again, Willow’s staring at me with wide, watery eyes as she squeezes her fingers in a tight grip. With the color they’re turning, I’m nervous she’s going to break them, so I reach forward to set them free. Only for her to jerk away so quickly, you’d think I was the one hurting her.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…” I motion to her red hand as she shakes out the other, her lip trembling between her teeth.
“I can’t do this, Jesse,” she says, her tone pleading with me to stop, to take it all back.
“I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate that, but you lied to me. That entire time, you lied!” Her voice raises as the tears start to well. “That beautiful speech means nothing when it’s tainted.”
“Willow, you don’t understand.”
“Of course I don’t. Because I don’t freaking remember. And you do. You knoweverythingand you expect me to…to what? Forgive you and move on? To fix this? You haven’t even told me what happened.”
“Willow, I need—”
“I don’t want to hear it now. I said I needed a second to breathe.”
I close my eyes and draw in a breath. Staying silent. Because I’m not ready to tell her.
“I always thought I was a smart woman,” she says after a beat, bringing my attention back to her face. “I even thought I’d figured out your secret. I laughed about it.Jesse and Pippa are fake dating while he really wants me. I thought I had the upper hand, but I was dead wrong. You played me like a fool. How the hell do you expect me to deal with that? I mean, what did you think was going to happen if we got together? That I’d just never find out?”
“I—”
“No. Time’s up. You’ve had your five minutes.”
She reaches for the door handle and my chest tightens. “Willow, wait.” I want to touch her more than I want to breathe, but I don’t. I keep my hands locked tightly in my lap. Now’s not the time to get any closer; it’s likely to do more damage tomethanher. Especially when she looks at me with pleading eyes and a frown.
“Please,” she whispers. “I can’t do this now. Just leave me alone.”
I bang my head against the headrest when she gets out of the car, unable to move.
While that definitely could have gone worse, I wish it had gone better. The thing is, I don’t know how to tell her everything without breaking her heart. For a number of reasons. For one, she had no idea Jade was there for drugs. To this day, I have never forgotten the expression on her face when she realized. The complete and utter devastation displayed there. As though everything she thought she knew was stolen in a heartbeat.
Kind of like what I did to her after our week together. Jesus.
I can see how much my silence is destroying her, but I’m really fucking terrified that her knowing the truth will be so much worse.
And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to watch her go through that.
Chapter Nine
Willow
EmotionsarehighasI step out of the car, slam the door, and walk toward Pippa. She takes one look at me and nods before heading in the direction I just came from. To Jesse.
I press the button for the elevator and keep my eyes locked on the doors, waiting for them to open.
Waiting for my chance to escape.
I’m hurt, I’m confused, I’m angry.
But I’m not just angry at Jesse. I’m angry at myself.
I should have demanded that he tell me everything then and there, but I couldn’t. The tightness in my chest wouldn’t allow me to get the words out. For as much as I want to know, I’m also freaking terrified. I’m not ready to hate Jesse when he tells me what he did. And I’m not ready to relive losing Jade all over again. But I’ll need to…soon.
