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And I see red.
I’m strong, one of the strongest on our team, and even more so if someone pushes me. Like now. I’m not holding back.
“What’s the matter, Hastings?” Rick—who is one of our injured reserves—goads me as I shove him backward, scrunching his jersey between my fingers. “Scared I’m going to hurt you?”
I lift my free hand and clench my fist, ready to slam it into his face, when Ryan steps between us, at the same time another teammate pulls Rick back.
“Stay the hell away from me,” I yell to anyone that will listen, and surprisingly they all do. Even Ryan.
I tensely finish getting dressed, trying to block out Rick’s complaining, but can’t help noticing no one seems to be taking his side. Not that they’re taking mine either.
As soon as I’m covered up, my muscles relax, but the nausea doesn’t fade.
I’ve had small flinching moments throughout my career, but no one has ever grabbed me like that, at least never when I was without clothes.
I swallow back the bile in my throat and shake off my thoughts before slamming my locker closed.
Grabbing my things, I bolt out of the room and rush through the halls until I know I’m alone and out of sight.
After falling back against the wall, I run my hand down my face and close my eyes, trying to calm my breathing.
I lost it back there because I feel like I’m losing at life. Like everything that’s ever made me happy is about to slip from my grasp, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Willow hates me. My career’s up in the air. And I’m once again out of control when it comes to my body. I thought I was better. I thought I was finally moving on.
But the reality is, it’s all falling apart.
I never should have allowed myself to think otherwise. I don’t deserve it. Ineverdeserved it.
Voices filter through the empty halls, so I start walking, determined to get as far away from here as possible, maybe even drown my sorrows at a bar.
But when I walk across the parking lot and spot my truck, Willow’s waiting for me, instantly changing my course. She’s a beautiful sight and exactly what I need right now. The only thing I need, period.
Chapter Twelve
Jesse - Twelve Years Ago / Age Sixteen
Thepunchconnectswithmy chest again, and I wince as the air’s knocked out of my lungs. It’s been a while since he hit me this hard, but I can’t react or it will only make things worse. When he’s done, he sighs as he runs the tips of his fingers over my bruises, causing my stomach to swirl as bile rises in my throat.
This is the part I can’t handle.
“Don’t,” I say between gritted teeth, making him laugh before he stands up and kicks me in the gut. Speaking always gets me another beating, but I’ll take that over these rare moments when he tries to soothe the pain he’s caused. When his guilt kicks in. And that’s been happening more often lately.
After one last kick, he stumbles away as my body heaves. It takes a minute but I manage to lift myself up before shaking uncontrollably. Another one down. God knows how many to go.
And two years left to survive it.
Chapter Thirteen
Jesse
“I’mreadytotalk,”Willow says as I reach her. Her voice lacks all emotion, and considering what she’s asking, it messes with my head. “Actually,” she continues, standing a little taller, “I guess I’m ready tolisten, since I have no reason to talk.”
Jesus.
“Want to go for a drive?” I ask, knowing I can’t avoid this any longer, and wanting to do anything I can to be in her presence.
Maintaining her blank expression, Willow steps closer to my truck and opens the front door before getting inside. “Works for me.” She shrugs, repeating her words from the other day, like it’s no big deal, when in reality what happens next could change both our lives.
