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I clench my fist so hard that my nails press into the skin of my palm.How is this even possible?No wonder we were arguing. I would have been livid once I figured that out. Pippa had just been sent away to boarding school because she came home high from a party. My heart was breaking because of drugs. No, it’s not possible. She’d never, and yet…
“I can’t even fathom that,” I say honestly, refusing to meet Jesse’s gaze.God, I hate this. Idon’t want to feel this negatively toward Jade. She was my everything and I lost her.But what was going on. She… Unless it was Alex? Shit. Was she changing for him?
Jesse grabs my hand out of nowhere, cutting into my thoughts, and I flinch away, just like he normally would. “Don’t,” I say, shaking my hand, ridding myself of his touch. But he ignores me and reaches out again, prying my fingers open.
“You’re bleeding,” he grates when I try to pull away again. “Let me look.”
Ignoring his request, I hold my hand out of reach and unclench, stretching out my palm. The second I see what he’s referring to, my eyes widen, the puncture marks from my nails clear as day.Jesus. I don’t even feel pain. I don’t feel anything. Except a little nauseous.
“Was there more?” I ask, pressing my palms together to stop the bleeding or, at least, hide it away.
“I told you what happened after that,” he whispers, his eyes glued to my hands while he tries to keep his own hands busy.
He told me. We were arguing, Jade wouldn’t let go of me, something about Tate, Jesse stepped forward, Jade fell, but… “You didn’t tell me,” I say, my brow furrowing as I play out our conversation. “You were telling me what happened but I cut you off. I was the one that said Jade fell.”
A small grin starts to form—I’m proud of myself for figuring that out, for remembering—but when I see Jesse suck in a deep breath, my light dims.
“What happened?”
“Please, Willow.”
Huh? “Please, Willow, what?”
“I can’t.” His voice cracks as he struggles to get the words out. Every part of me wants to reach forward and comfort him, except for one—the part of me that’s still trapped on that mountain waiting for the answers that will set me free.
“Please, Jesse. If there’s something else, I have to know.”
He’s completely still for a beat until he gives me the smallest nod, closing his eyes as his face contorts.
“You were arguing when Tate and I caught up,” he says, opening his eyes to look at me. I swallow back the emotions clogging my throat and nod for him to continue. “Jade wouldn’t let go as you questioned her over and over about the drugs, desperately trying to pull away. She got the upper hand and pulled you into her, stepping back at the same time. While her expression was menacing, she was clearly terrified. If I hadn’t known otherwise, I would have thought she was on drugs in that moment.”
Tears well in my eyes but I can’t speak or even acknowledge that I’m understanding him. All I can do is stare, hopeful that he continues. And he does.
“Tate and I tried to get you to stop, but neither of you were listening. And at one point Jade’s grip must have tightened because you started begging her to let go, telling her she was hurting you, as you tried to push her back. I couldn’t take it anymore; I couldn’t just watch you suffer.”
Jesse sucks in another breath and closes his eyes before releasing it slowly. “So that’s when I moved closer,” he says, opening his eyes again, piercing me with a look of utter devastation. “That’s when I decided to intervene…but I was too late.”
A solo tear slides down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away, not wanting anything to stop him from finishing his story, even though it’s breaking my heart.
Jesse blinks at my sudden movement, seemingly snapped out of his daze, but instead of stopping, he rubs his eyes and continues on.
“It all happened so fast. One second you’d pulled yourself free and then Jade was reaching for you again.” He pauses and shakes his head. “She was frantic and wouldn’t listen to anyone. And she washurtingyou.”
God, what did he do?
“When she wouldn’t give up, there was no other option. So, with both hands on her chest, you shoved her away. Hard.” He pauses and it feels like forever. “And she pulled you down with her.”
What? It was me?
Someone gasps, and it takes me a second to realize it came from my mouth. Bile rises in my throat as tears blur my vision, my entire body shaking uncontrollably while I cry out in silence.
Idid it.
Ikilled Jade.
“No. No. No. No.”This can’t be happening.“No.”
Digging my palms into my eyes, I try to stop the tears as pain rips through me, my chest tightening to unbearable levels.
