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“You’re a great guy, Jesse. I just—”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say sarcastically. “One day I’ll make someone else really happy.I’llbe really happy.”
“Hell no, I don’t want that. I want you to be miserable,” she jokes, and it confirms just how happy she is. This is the real Willow—she’s confident, strong, knows her worth, and she’s happy. What more could I want?
“Do you ever wish you could go back?” she says suddenly, making my smile fade. “To do one thing differently.”
“Every. Fucking. Day,” I say honestly because I’ve never thought about anything more.
Except maybe her.
Willow nods in understanding, but she has no fucking clue.
“I’d have spoken to you the first day I saw you,” I cut in before she has a chance to speak, stepping forward to close the space between us. “Yearsbefore we officially met,” I add. “Or I’d have spoken to you one of the many times I saw you after that. I would have gotten to know you. Told you I thought you were cute. Maybe even asked you out.” I tentatively lift my hand to her face before tucking her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers linger when she doesn’t back away. “The first words I spoke to you would not have been on that mountain. If I’d have spoken to you at any moment before that day,thatday would never have happened. So yes, I wish I could go back.”
Willow gapes, shell-shocked until she seemingly decides she shouldn’t be acting that way and snaps out of it, blinking a few times before finally moving back, out of my reach. “What if you couldn’t go backthatfar, you couldn’t stop Jade’s death. Is there anything else you would change after it?”
I internally wince because she’s not going to like my answer. “I wouldn’t go back and tell you the truth, if that’s what you’re asking. That’s not something I can change.”
“I know you can’t change it. I’m asking if you would?”
“No.”
“No?”
“I wouldn’t.”
Willow recoils as if she’s been slapped before shaking her head. “Even after knowing what I went through?”
“Even so, yes.”
Her lips curl as she shoots me a look of disappointment, but it doesn’t affect me. I knew it was coming.
I’ve thought about this very question often since I left her by the road. And while I’d change pretty much everything in the lead-up to that point. I wouldn’t change much after. Because while I may constantly regret the way I fucked up Willow’s life, I can’t regret my part in protecting her from the truth, and I’ll never regret the fact that my coming back made her stronger, helped her take her life back. Even if it is giving her the courage to kick me out of it now.
“Do you want to know what I’d change?” she says after a moment of quiet.
Not if you’re about to tell me you wish we’d never met.“Yes.”
“I’d have turned around the second I realized Jade and I weren’t alone up there.” She points in the direction of the mountain, making my stomach churn.Close enough. Holding her hardened gaze, her eyes lock on mine, making me feel her pain. And then she smiles. Shesmiles. “After that, I’m sure I would have recognized you the next time I was in town, and maybe I would have said hello. Maybe we would have met under different circumstances.”
The tightness subsides, making way for longing. Until I remember that if things had played out differently, I wouldn’t be here. She would never want the man I was set to become. And I wouldn’t have let her even if she did.
“That’s a nice dream,” I say with a forced grin. “The perfect fantasy.”
“It is,” she whispers. “But that’s all it can ever be.”
I nod and suck in a breath, knowing I have to say goodbye. “This doesn’t feel right. I can’t just walk away.”
Willow’s breath hitches but she covers it by clearing her throat, and when her eyes water, she blinks back the tears, standing tall as she takes a step closer.
“It’s the right thing for me,” she says, breaking my heart even more. “I wish you nothing but happiness, despite what I said earlier.”
I pull her into a hug to buy myself some time, and breathe her in, memorizing her scent, the feel of her pressed against me, her warmth. Making sure to lock it all away in case I never get to do it again.
But God, I hope that’s not the case.
“How does this work?” I whisper into her hair before pulling back. “Am I meant to just go on with life as though you don’t exist?”
