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Shit! “Are you okay? Why don’t we call it a day? We’ve made it here. We don’t have to do it all. Come on, we’ll come back next weekend.”
I turn to leave but Jade grabs my tee, pulling me to a stop. “No.”
“No?” My brow furrows as I spin to face her, but she has her usual warm smile plastered on her face.
“I’ll be fine. I promise. You need this today after your week.”
She’s right. This week has been one of my worst with Pippa being sent away, and the family arguments. I could really use this moment of respite. “As long as you’re sure.”
Jade pulls me into a side hug, but it feels a little shaky. “I’m sure. Have you heard from Pippa at all?” she asks, changing the subject so I don’t continue making a fuss.
“Not yet,” I say, watching her closely. “But I guess it hasn’t been that long, and I don’t know how strict they are with phones at her new school.”
“I can’t believe that happened. That they’d just send her away like that.”
“Me either, but she’s been spiraling for weeks now. I just didn’t think they’d go through with their boarding school threats.”
“I’m sorry, Willow.”
“I know. At least I have you.”
“You will always have me.”
My head’s groggy when I wake, but fragments of my dream float to the surface.
“What’s going on?”
Jade shaky.
“You will always have me.”
Jesus! I don’t think that was a dream. And if it was a memory, that means I saw the signs back then, and I missed them. I let Jade continue on up that mountain knowing something was wrong. I failed her as a friend more than once.
My heart lodges in my throat as I bite back the tears threatening to fall. I have to be strong. I love Jade but I was better. I was living. At least, I was surviving. I can’t go back to the darkness again. I won’t let myself.
Since the sun’s up, I set off for a run with music blasting in my ears. I usually use this time to think, but today I want the opposite. Instead, I work hard to focus on the beat, to listen to the lyrics, and find meaning in each song. Surprisingly, it works…until one of the songs reminds me of Jade, and I’m right back where I started.
By the time I get home, I’m lost in a familiar haze. A fog I promised myself I’d never go back to.
I told Jesse I was fine. Iwasfine. At least I thought I was. But he made me realize, I’m barely keeping myself afloat. It’s all just another show. But this one’s not for others. This one’s for me, and it’s called the-lies-we-tell-ourselves-to-survive.
Taking my time to get ready, I somehow still make it to work with two minutes to spare, unlocking the door just as my delivery guy arrives.
If he notices my somber expression, he doesn’t mention it, but I can guarantee he’ll be telling someone before the day is through.
Willow always smiles, what’s happened?
Have you noticed Willow hasn’t been as friendly lately?
They think I don’t hear the whispers, but I do, and it’s all bullshit. I’m still just as friendly, but I don’t hide when I’m having a rough day. And I’m allowed to have rough days. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty because I don’t smile all the time.
It pains me that I didn’t wake up to that sooner.
The more I have time to think, the more I spiral, and by ten a.m., I find myself slumped over the counter, my eyes falling closed as I wish the day away.
Jade picks up speed until I’m forced to almost jog to catch up to her, my eyes locked on my feet as I dodge the uneven terrain, careful not to fall and piss her off even more. Something is definitely wrong.
“Jade!”
