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“Perfect,” I repeat because as hard as being her friend will be, spending any time with Willow is better than nothing.
“Should we go back and find Pippa?” she asks, making me laugh.
“Yeah, we probably should.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Willow
WhatthehelldidI do?
I’ve been back at the hotel for two hours, and I’m still trying to process it all.
I can’t even blame it on alcohol because I was stone-cold sober. The “I’m taking back my life” outburst was all me. It was time for me to stop holding back and finally take a stand, make some noise. At least, sticking up for myself with Kim was, but with Jesse…
Actually, I blame Sara.
She put the idea back in my head and when Jesse suggested it, I went for it. But I’m still not sure that spending time with him is a good thing. Every time I think about his lies, my heart aches, but then when he’s close, it drifts away, like he's the answer to all of life's problems, rather than a contributor to the cause. And that’s not how I want to live.
I want to move on; I want to find that place where I’m happy, where I no longer feel like my life is in the hands of other people…but right now, I can’t see that. I can’t fathom a way for that to happen.
On the flip side of that, when I’m not thinking of Jesse—for the very brief moments that I’m able to push him far from my mind—I feel nothing. No pain, no darkness, no fear. And while that means I’m also missing out on the good feelings, I’ll take feelingnothingover the torment of knowing that the first person I ever fell for shattered my soul. That the person I thought was going to make me whole again had already ripped me to pieces. He may not have killed Jade or put me in that hospital, but he let me die. Physically I survived that day, but inside…that’s a different story.
And, I couldn’t even tell him it was over. Even when he asked me to. Because deep down I know that it’s not.
But I need to take it slowly so I don’t break us both.
My phone vibrates on the bedside table, waking me from a dream the next morning. A dream about beaches and sunshine, nothing to do with my life.
My senses awaken as I bring myself out of the fog. Yellow light dances across the comforter, a horn blares in the distance, and the aroma of fresh coffee permeates the air.
Life feels normal. Whatever normal is.
My phone buzzes again, and I remember what woke me. Checking the time, I note that it’s just after eleven. That explains why it’s so bright, but…eleven?Shit!
I jump out of bed so fast my head spins, and I have to physically still myself until it passes. A nauseous feeling settles in my stomach, but I power on, rummaging around to find my phone.
When I finally have it in hand, I lie back down and check the screen, my heart lodged in my throat as I imagine seeing Jesse’s name.
But it’s Sara.
“Hey,” I answer groggily, feeling hungover even though I didn’t drink.
“Big night?” Sara says with a laugh. “Did you just wake up?”
“No and yes. I actually left early—well, almost immediately—but I didn’t sleep very well.”
“Oh no. What happened?”
Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself for the disappointment in her voice and tell her the truth. “They only wanted us to get to Jesse.”
“Jesse?”
“Yep. He was there last night. They’re trying to sign him to their brand.”
“Shit.”
“It is.”
